They give out awards for that, right?

You know, the word 'hero' gets thrown around a lot these days, but did you see this thing about Donald Trump? No? Because according to his former body guard, Donald Trump once turned down five prostitutes. So like, trophy?

Above: Donald Trump getting an award.
Probably for prostitute turning-down.

Pictured: Schiller and the man
he'd do anything to protect. Even
say, lie to Congress for him. 

Yeah, his former body guard, a guy called Keith Schiller, was interviewed by Congress today in connection with that dossier which, among other things, mentioned that Trump had a bunch of prostitutes over to his hotel room. Now according to Schiller, while someone involved with the Miss Universe contest did offer to send five prostitutes up to Trump's hotel room when he was staying in Moscow back in 2013, he, that is Schiller, turned them down. And then he and Trump laughed about it. Because crime and degradation are hilarious.

He went on to helpfully clarify that both he and Trump were concerned about the likelihood of hidden cameras in Russian hotel rooms. Super.

"Wah? Hidden camera? Psscht...
guys, it's me we're talking about..."

-The guy that picked

our President for us

Wait, shouldn't he be suggesting that
we investigate Hillary Clinton? You
know, because emails or whatever?

But how are we hearing about all this? Leaks! Yes, and Schiller's lawyer is appalled. Appalled!

"It's outrageous that the very Committee that is conducting an investigation into leaks...is itself leaking information and defaming cooperative witnesses like Mr. Schiller...This conduct...calls into question the credibility and motives of the Committee's investigation."

-Keith Schiller's lawyer 

on the real outrage...leaks

I don't know what he's so upset about, I mean, Schiller said that Trump didn't hire five prostitutes. Because he was afraid he might get caught. But given the incredibly low bar the administration has set, that's pretty good right? Incidentally, what do you call a group of prostitutes anyway? A gaggle? A flock?

Is it a sadness of prostitutes? I think it's a sadness of prostitutes.