Thanks clouds...thanks for nothing.

Hey, did you enjoy today's temporary distraction from the ceaseless shit-parade that is the news? You did? Was it amazing? I wouldn't know because clouds. So thank you clouds, because of you I stayed inside and read the internet.

"Thanks to this administration, today's eclipse was the greatest eclipse ever in the history
of America. It's so great, nobody's even talking about my support for white supremacists
Why'd I even say that? That's just fake news made up by a very dishonest media."

-The President, while looking

directly at the sun

Pfft...the Moon, like
it's so great...

So what's new in the world of things that aren't everyone's favorite natural satellite briefly plunging part of the planet into a soul-chilling darkness and reminding us that we are but insects clinging to a thin layer of rock and ocean with nothing but air between us and the endless void? Well, Sam Clovis, the President's choice for chief scientist for the Department of Agriculture thinks gayness is a choice and that LGBT protections are a precipice over which the nation will plummet, landing smack in a pile of legalized pedophilia.

Pictured: Clovis, seen here cosplaying  
Mr. Mooney from The Lucy Show

So there's that. Here, check it out:

"...as far as we know, homosexuality is a choice..."

-Sam Clovis talking
completely out of his ass

Um. No. That's uh, what do you call it? A crock of horseshit? The quote came from his radio show, so maybe it's from an old episode? You know, like one from the 1950's-

"Women drivers? Next thing you know,
they'll want the vote. It's slippery slope."

-Sam Clovis*

-oh, nope, turns out CNN dug into his archives and found the quote and others like it from back in the early two thousand teens, so no, he's just a dick. He went on to bloviate at length about the old slippery slope argument:

"If we protect LGBT behavior, what other behaviors are we going to protect? Are we going to protect pedophilia? Are we going to protect polyamerous marriage relationships? Are we going to protect people who have fetishes? I mean, what's the logical extension of this?"

-Sam Clovis, out of his face-hole 

Oh don't give me that look, you
lept to the defense of actual Nazis.

The logical extension, or course, is shut up. Pedophilia? What is wrong with conservatives-ok, some conservatives-that any point of the spectrum of sexuality or gender identity they don't understand is one inevitable step away from pedophilia? I guess now that the administration is openly acknowledging their support for literal Nazis, they can no longer accuse their political enemies of being like Hitler, so now everyone they don't like is a pedophile. Oh, and speaking of Nazis, on his blog, Clovis also referred to progressives as race traitors. Super.

So raging homophobia, racism and zero qualifications as a scientist (spoiler: he's also a climate change denier) so yeah, it looks like the President has picked another winner.

Above: Sam Clovis, probably thinking about pedophiles.

*not an actual quote, but might as well be an actual quote.