Wednesday, April 19, 2017

How dare he!

How dare who, you may ask? Why the preposterously named Palmer Luckey of course. He's the 24-year old Oculous Rift founder who's also a right-wing shit merchant. You might recall that he gave $10,000 to a pro-Trump group called Nimble America for a billboard trashing Hillary Clinton. A billboard reading 'TOO BIG TO JAIL,' all in caps. Yes, because the 2016 election will be remembered as a real forum for ideas...
Too big to...wait, are they...are they calling her fat?
"In the history of all time and all
conceivable parallel dimensions."
Ok, so it came out today that he also gave Donald Trump another hundred thousand dollars, that's hundred with an 'h' and thousand with a 't,' for his inauguration. You remember, the single most attended inauguration ever in the history of all time? Yeah, we'll get to that. The thing is Luckey didn't wan't anyone to know it was him, so he used a couple of shell corporations which is a thing ultra rich people can do because laws are for the poor.

A game that came out when wunderdouche
here was what? Three? That would be like me
 getting all nostalgic for goddamn Frogger.
But the galling part, the affront to everything I hold dear is that he named them after Chrono Trigger. I'll skip over the part where I suggest that you don't know what I'm talking about because you have a life, and just explain. Chrono Trigger was probably one of the best SNES JRPG's of the 16-bit era, second only to Final Fantasy III which-huh? Ok, I'll dial it back-it's a video game, a really, really good video game from the 90's. Anyway, he named his fake-ass companies 'Wings of Time' after the character's time machine/airship and 'Fiendlord's Keep' after the one of the bad guy's castle.

I get that video games, as a thing, are for everybody. Did you know that there're 36 Cabela's games about hunting? Thirty-six. I'm not saying that video games about shooting dear are aimed at conservatives but-well, ok, that's exactly what I'm saying, but the important thing is that gaming knows no politics. Although if it did, they wouldn't be Luckey's politics.
As seen on Game Stop's clearance rack! 
In this analogy, the midterm
elections are the final boss fight. 
I'm basing that mostly on the fact that I think that the Republican party is going through a particularly gross period in its history. The party of Lincoln is now the party of misogyny, racism and hilarious billboards about locking Hillary Clinton up for, I don't know, whatever their beef with her was. The point is that they're not the plucky, Akira Toriyama anime underdogs trying prevent a cataclysm, in fact, they're kind of the opposite. I mean, the President seems to be doing his damnedest right now to start a nuclear war with North Korea, so if anything, they're more like Lavos, the alien parasite that wants to destroy the world.

I suppose we can take solace in the fact that despite pulling in more than $106 million from Luckey and other ultra-rich donors, the inauguration was an hilarious fiasco that we'll be making fun of for years to come..assuming we all, you know, survive.
Pictured: The National Mall on Inauguration-oh, sorry, that's
the Women's March again. I keep thinking it's the Inauguration, which
is totally weird because way the hell fewer people showed up for that. 

No comments:

Post a Comment