Today in people who are not a king...

A special thanks goes out to Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott for clarifying that President Obama is not a king. Behold:

Yes. True. Not a king. Also, Texas is not a country
and has to abide by Federal law so, shut up maybe?

Oh, and he's also into putting the
Ten Commandments on courthouse
lawns, so yeah, all around toolbox.

Who said who's not a what now? I'm glad I pretended you asked. The who is Texas' AG, and jerk Greg Abbott, who you might remember as the guy who tried to re-ban gay marriage in Texas by cleverly pointing out that baby-making requires both thingamajig and a hootenanny and therefore the state was totally within its rights to prevent same-sex couples from enjoying equal protection under the law. Obviously this didn't work because his argument was preposterous and we have a Supreme Court ruling but he's back now and going after transgender kids.

Above: conservatives, right now
over this whole bathroom thing.

Yup, his tweet up there about how the President isn't a king is in response to a letter sent out by the administration and signed off on by officials from both the Departments of Justice and Education. It instructs schools to allow transgender students to use the bathroom appropriate to their gender identity citing Title IX of the Civil Rights Act which protects against discrimination based on sex. Yes, the bathroom thing. Again. And it's why the Right is throwing one of their trademark pseudo-religious and borderline successionist tantrums.

Here, check out some of the tyrannical demands being brutally imposed on Texas:

You guys like Federal funds, right?

"As a condition of receiving Federal funds, a school agrees that it will not exclude, separate, deny benefits to or otherwise treat differently on the basis of sex any person in its educational programs or activities...A school's...obligation to ensure nondiscrimination on the basis of sex requires schools to provide transgender students equal access to educational programs and activities even in circumstances in which other students, parents, or community members raise objections of concerns." 

No equal access, no funding. Sounds pretty Civil Rights Act-y to me, clearly these are the demands of a despot. The letter continues: "As is consistently recognized in civil rights cases, the desire to accommodate others' discomfort cannot justify a policy that singles out and disadvantages particular class of students."

"But then what's the point of being a white, Christian, cis-gendered
male if everybody doesn't have to accommodate your discomfort?"

-Greg Abbott's entire argument

Pictured: Noted King and
Tyrant Barack Obama.

So how exactly is the President acting all king-like? Is he referring to himself as 'we?' Is he prancing about the Oval Office in a powdered wig and ermine-trimmed robe? No, he's just asking that schools comply the Civil Rights Act. The act bars discrimination based on sex, which is totally what we're talking about here. Sure, transgender wasn't a box you could check back in 1964, the term didn't exist at the time, but nobody's rewriting the Act, they're just applying it transgender students in order to protect them from harassment which is exactly what the Civil Rights Act is for.

What's the big goddamned deal? They're not asking Texas to grow up and stop telling kids that dinosaurs hung out with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden or to stop rolling their eyes whenever they say evolution. We're asking them to maybe stop being part of the super-hostile environment that makes life miserable for transgender students and lay off about the 'assigned at birth bathroom' thing. It costs them nothing or rather would if they weren't such unrelenting asshats about this.

Although since we're on it,
maybe knock that off too?

Not pictured: The Governor.

Here, check out what Lt. Governor Dan Patrick
had to say about-wait, Lieutenant Governor? Yeah, ok, let's hear what the 'back-up' Governor of Texas has to say about all this:

"Well, in Texas, he can keep his 30 pieces of silver. We will not yield to blackmail from the president of the United States."

-Dan Patrick, not the Governor 

chiming in about school funding

Um...First of all, I'm confused. Like, I'm not a biblical scholar, but is Dan Patrick Judas in this scenario? Like, Judas if instead of selling out Jesus, he refused school funding so he could continue acting like a bitter transphobic hysteric.

Maybe he's unclear about how much Federal school funding Texas gets.
I think it's like $10 billion and while I'm not super-clear on the exchange rate between
dollars and 1st century Roman Sesterce, I think he's making a pretty phenomenal mistake.