|"The idea tests very well among late-middle-aged comic book store |
owners who restore classic arcade machines in their spare time."
-Film industry execs growing
the shit out of their brands
|It should be noted that this doesn't|
work on actual turtles. Do not attempt.
|Name recognition and cocaine.|
Let's not forget about cocaine.
There is nothing about these games to suggest a narrative arc. They, like most ancient Atari games weren't about story, they were just about getting buzzed bar patrons to feed quarters into the slots and then testing their reflexes and ability to keep a grip a joystick slick with pizza grease. Then they just increased the level of difficulty until players ran out of lives or money or patience and then went back to doing whatever people in the 1980's did.
|"This sucks...hey, who wants to do some blow |
and wait around for someone to invent MTV?"
|Sorry, that's not fair. Video slots tell|
a story about addiction and sadness.
|How much do you want to bet the trailer|
features 99 Luftballons? All the money?
I get that the film industry is grasping desperately at ways to stay relevant in the face of competition from streaming services and their taut, well-written serial dramas with intricate plots and full frontal nudity, but I'm not sure thirty-six year old bar-diversion nostalgia is the best way to go about it. Sure, I'm not like a movie executive, but I think my prediction of disastrous box-office losses will be borne out here. Prove me wrong guys, prove me wrong.
|It's like they heard the dull wet thud that Adam Sandler's|
Pixels made last year and say, 'yes, let's ride that train. All the way.'