Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Today in magnanimous ignominy...

Above: the future of journalism!
Hey, you know how Donald Trump-huh? Yeah, I was trying to do this thing where I avoid using the presumptive GOP candidate's real name just in case typing it somehow skews the algorithms and helps trend him on the Twitterbooks-but look, if he wins because we did one too many Google searches for the words Trump, leathery and orange, we should probably abandon this whole internet thing and go back to the printed word. Besides there's a decent chance civilization would get knocked down a few pegs, so it fits...

I mean, doesn't he have handlers?
Shouldn't an intern take his iPhone away?
Anyway, remember how Trump made that mortifyingly racist comment about how if elected he would ban Muslims from entering the U.S? And we all thought that there was no way he could possibly embarrass us more and then he did? Like repeatedly? I mean, the taco bowl thing, right? What was that? How quickly would he tweet us into a war? It chills the blood. So yesterday he upped the ante by magnanimously telling the New York Times that he'd make an exception to his Muslim ban so that newly elected London Mayor Shadiq Khan, a Muslim, could visit the U.S.

"I think it's a very good thing, and I hope he does a very good job because frankly that would be very, very good." 

-Presumptive GOP Candidate and barely
articulate gameshow host Donald Trump
In their defense, this is what they had to choose from.
"Thanks Donald, with your support I'm sure
I'll do a good job. Which would be good."

-London Mayor Sadiq Khan
The Times interviewer then asked Trump 'why' because when a reporter is confronted the babbling, leathery summation of everything wrong with the Republican party I guess that's all you have left. Trump replied:

"Because I think if he does a great job, it will really--you lead by example, always lead by example. If he does a good job and frankly if he does a great job, that would be a terrific thing."

-Donald Tru-holy shit is this for real?

"Please, we couldn't make
this shit up if we tried."

-The New York Times
No seriously, I'm asking. The article didn't say who conducted the interview or where it happened and I'm just some guy that writes a blog about nerd things and people freaking out about public bathrooms. I don't know how to corroborate this, but the New York Times probably didn't make the whole thing up, right? Like, I suppose they could just be screwing with us, but that doesn't sound like a thing they would do and besides, it is in line with the incoherent gibberish he's famous for allowing to trickle out of his face-hole.

"Jesus would vote Trump. Told
me himself. Huge supporter. Huge."
-Noted theologian and real-
estate mogul Donald Trump
Let me remind you of an interview he gave to some guy called David Brody back in 2011 about how he gets sent a lot of Bibles:

Brody: I understand a lot of people send you Bibles, is that true?
Trump: Well I get sent Bibles by a lot of people.
Brody: Where are those Bibles?
Trump: Actually, we keep them at a certain place. A very nice place. But people send me Bibles. And you know, it's very interesting. 

Yikes. Hey, if you meet a Republican today, give them a hug would you? They're going to need it. I know not everyone can be eloquent and charismatic and really that's not the end-all of being President but it helps to able to string a couple words together. Like, how does this man have buildings named after him? 
We're going to miss the shit out of you. Call us?

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