Sunday, April 19, 2015

Brian Klawiter: Victim of Equality!

Pictured: not Brian Klawiter, but
I am kind of judging this guy.
Breaking news everybody! A white conservative Christian, who loves guns and is uncomfortable with gay people, is feeling unappreciated:

"Apparently if you are white (or close to it), you have a job, go to church and own a gun...That translates into racists, privileged, bigot conspiracy theorist [sic]."

-Brian Klawiter, fed up with...wait,
does he not know what he sounds like?

If it's sodomy and devil worship
you want, go to Pepboys.
Yup, Brian Klawiter, the owner of Diseltec in Granville, Michigan has had enough and from this day forth has decided to run his auto repair shop straight into the gro-I mean, run it the way he wants to run it: with no queers allowed. No, really:

"I am a Christian. My company will be run in a way that reflects that. Dishonesty, thievery, immoral behavior, etc. will not be welcome at MY place of business...I would not hesitate to refuse service to an openly gay person or persons. Homosexuality is wrong, period..."

Brian then goes on tell us how racists (his weird pluralization, not mine) he's not and how we're all racists for assuming he is...racists, I mean. We're the racists...for calling him racist. Er, racists. Which we didn't...I'm not saying he's not, I just-never mind.
Above: Brian Klawiter's breathless, red-faced rage at being called racists.
But can we at least call him homophobes? I mean, it kind of says so right there...
Like what if this guy comes in and
asks for an oil change...for his horse?
Then there's some stuff about the Bible, Unions and ducks and then he threatens to reassemble our cars using all bolts and no nuts, if we don't agree with him about the gays. So obviously he's not a lunatic or anything. Oh, and speaking of lunacy, while he won't allow gay people to come in and gay up his repair shop with their Subarus and Priuses, (Prii?) he does offer a discount for people who come in armed. Armed, and presumably not gay. But also not cops because, I shit you not, their guns were bought with his tax money. 

Yeah, like this asshole.
Like, I don't want to tell the Jesus and gun-loving crowd how to do their PR, but crazytown rants on Facebook probably aren't going to win you anything but threats. Speaking of, Klawiter claims this has already happened. He even called the Sheriff in when protestors showed up at his house, which is weird, because I sort of picture him as a 'shotgun on the porch kind of guy.' Anyway, I'm not bring this up because I secretly want someone to go and burn down his shop. In fact, please don't threaten to burn down his shop, that only ends in GoFundMe campaigns and huge cash rewards. Instead we should take the high road on this one, and try to help.

Seriously, go read his rant (then shower). Brian is paranoid as shit that the world has turned against him. In a way, I suppose he feels like he's a victim. A victim of having to live in a world with other humans, but still, a victim. His rant is kind of a call for help. So let's help. Instead of death threats and attempted arson, we should start a GoFundMe and get this guy some psychological help. Or maybe a rapture shelter. We could get him a rapture shelter...
Something tells me he'd be a lot happier sitting alone in
one of these, polishing his guns and waiting for Armageddon. 

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