Sunday, March 8, 2015

Also, it's International Women's Day.

Hey, did you know that today was International Women's Day? You did? So I take it you're either lying or you come from Afghanistan, China, Uzbekistan or one of the 26 other countries that officially observe it and are not the U.S.
Like all the -istans are kicking our ass on this one.
Pfft...the Pirate Lobby practically runs
the country, what have women got?
I mean, sure, you might have heard about it on the internet or something (like I did), but here in the U.S. International Women's Day is an informal observance like Leif Erikson Day despite the fact that there are way the hell more women than Vikings. International Women's Day is as official as Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19th in case you were wondering) or May the 4th (Star Wars Day). Meanwhile, ever hear about National Poison Prevention Week? Well it's officially recognized, lasts a whole week and is coming up soon so I hope you sent out your cards.

Look, I'm not pro-poison or anything, but do we really need an entire week to raise awareness of why we shouldn't drink it (or pour it into a King's ear) when hardly anyone is even aware that there's such a thing as International Women's Day?
Fact: Ear-poison is the #1 killer of Danish Royalty.
(source: fiction)
Above: Jackson's official portrait,
because apparently he was also a
 Dark Wizard. Who knew?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we should go and put a woman on the $20-dollar bill, but-wait, that's a great idea, and get this: somebody's working on it. A group called Women on 20's, wants to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the 19th Amendment by replacing Andrew 'Trail of Tears' Jackson on the $20 bill with an historically significant woman. Appropriately enough, you can even vote on who you think it should be, and since none of the choices signed the Indian removal Act of 1830, you really can't go wrong. Aside from Jackson being one of history's greatest monsters, Women on 20's also points out that he was opposed to centralized banks, and he probably wouldn't want to be on the 20 anyway. It's win/win.

Pictured: John Adams.
But didn't we already put Susan B. Anthony and Sacagawea on the dollar coin? Yes, but the $1 coin kind of sucks, so why not put Elizabeth Caddy Stanton or Rosa Parks on a bill? Sure they weren't presidents, but neither were Benjamin Franklin and Alexander Hamilton and they both get to be on bills. Lincoln and Washington get a coin and a bill each, but women get just the one coin nobody likes and they have to share, and men get all the paper denominations. I assume, I mean who can tell with those ridiculous wigs everyone wore back then?

Anyway, happy International Women's Day. Here's hoping that maybe next year it'll be a real, officially recognized observance on equal footing with Columbus Day or Black History Month and not say, Groundhog Day.
Yeah, Groundhog Day. We value the contributions of women about as much as we value
the weather forecast from a rodent who's right less than half the time. Because America.

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