Let's get Oscar worthy!

Don't feel bad Doogie, in a week this
is all anyone will be talking about...

So I didn't watch the Oscars last night. In my defense, I saw exactly none of the movies that were up this year and besides, why bother with three and a half-hours of ridiculously wealthy people in the film industry congratulating each other for doing their jobs when a quick internet search in the morning is all anyone really needs to find out who won, who lost and whose hosting was awkward and uninspiring? The whole thing is just a vapid, self-aggrandizing night of commercialism and heart-felt pleas for social justice. Wai-wha?

Birdman: the story of a man who can't be taken
seriously as an actor after playing a superhero.
I'm sure we all know what that's like...

Wow, social justice is apparently the new 'I'd like to thank Jesus.' Twitter was all a titter this morning (I'm sorry I just wrote that. I really am) with reactions to Oscar winners who last night used their acceptance speeches to call attention to important causes like civil rights, immigration reform, suicide prevention and illness. It's like they suddenly realized that all the suffering and human drama they get awards to re-enact, actually happens to real people. Whowoulda thought?

By far the most post-Oscar attention has been going to Patricia Arquette for pointing out that it's 2015 and women still somehow don't have pay equality.

After making her acceptance speech, Arquette
was hurried offstage by a furious Jesus Christ. 

Ok, fine, that was mean, but bear in mind that
he gets $54 million to act. Also, he's Iron Man.

Yeah, 2015 and a woman, on average, is paid $.78 for every dollar a man gets. This even happens in the movie industry. According to this, the highest paid actor right now is Robert Downey Jr. with $54 million, while Sandra Bullock, the highest paid actress only makes $51 million. That rage your feeling? Most of it has to do with the fact that anyone would be paid $50 million for goddamn acting, but a big part of it has to do with the fact Sandra Bullock got $3 million less than RDJ and she only played a recovering addict.

And while we're on the subject, does anyone else think it's weird that there's a best actor and a best actress award? Like, why are there two awards for the same thing? There aren't best director and best lady director categories. Shouldn't Julianne Moore have won Best Actor instead of Best Actor With A Vagina?

Above: Juliane Moore girl-won the Best Actress for Still Alice in which
she lady plays a woman with early onset female Alzheimer's disease.