Rock, Paper, Scissors, Glock

Ready for a heaping helping of crazy? Check this shit out:

 "The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun."

-Wayne LaPierre, the guy
 in charge of the NRA

Guns are also the only thing that stops paper, scissors and rock.

"No you idiots, guns don't kill people, Xbox
 kills people. I can't make this any clearer." 

Wow. In addition to reducing the complicated issue of guns in America to a simple formula that even we limp-wristed, Obama-loving, vegans can wrap our protein-deprived brains around, Monsieur LaPierre* explained that it's not so much the NRA's efforts against effective gun control and their insistence that it's our patriotic duty to be packing heat at all times that create a culture in which shootings are commonplace but video games. 

I'm not alone on this right? I think we
all picture her when we hear the word.

I'm no expert on video gam-oh, wait, I guess I kind of am and I kind of take umbrage at Gunny McToterton's desperate flailing for an easy scapegoat. I have wasted-er...spent an uncountable number of hours playing games, hours I could have spent learning how to play the guitar, getting a master's degree or interacting with my fellow humans, yet somehow I have never gone on a killing spree and am fully capable of telling fantasy from reality, so what else ya got Wayne?

In fact, video games have taught me many valuable lessons.
For instance, did you know that ham found in walls can heal any injury?

Finally, someone with the courage to
speak out against plasma grenades.

Look, I don't want to tell the gun nuts how to run their crazy gun club, but with all that's happened shouldn't they be stepping up efforts to educate the public about gun safety and the importance of responsible gun use instead of trying to fix blame elsewhere? I mean, people aren't out there murdering each other with Wiimotes, they're using guns. You know, the things the NRA has spent decades and millions of dollars promoting. Like, do they really think anyone's buying it? 

LaPierre went on to suggest that we should have armed guards in all the schools. His solution to gun violence is more goddamn guns. How is anyone supposed to take these guys seriously? There has to be some reasonable members of the NRA out there, can't one of them chloroform LaPierre and lock him in the basement before he opens his crazy hole? 

"Hey liberals, JFK would be alive today
if he was carrying. Now who's stupid?"

-The NRA

*It's french for Mister The Peter.