Race to the Bottom

Many Bothnians died
to bring us this information.

Get this: Swedish underwater treasure hunter Peter Lindberg and his underwater team of Aqua Swedes have discovered a 60 foot disc-shaped obect at the bottom of the Gulf of Bothnia between Finland and Sweden. Theories as to what in Odin's name it could be range from a natural rock formation to some kind of underwater Stonehenge (so like an unnatural rock formation). I'm going with what I find to be the most rational explanation: crashed alien starship, but it looks like we might never know as Peter 'Tightwad' Linberg doesn't want to shell out the kronas necessary to retrieve it.

What? Just because they recorded Waterloo
and wear foil they can't also be scientists?

Why? I don't know. Unlike the recent discovery of an alien starbase on Mars, this thing is totally get-to-able. So what's the hold up? I guess the most important discovery in the history of the human race just isn't interesting to a guy used to dredging the ocean floor in search of Viking beard combs. I mean the object Alien Scout Vessel, is just sitting there under 300 ft of water waiting to be hauled up to the surface and studied by the most brilliant minds Sweden has to offer.

Do we really want these people
to get hover-cars before us?

Sure, it could be anything. Rock, flying saucer, Stargate. The point is we won't know for sure until someone goes down there and takes a closer look. And I say if Sweden doesn't want it, let's go for it. It's only a matter of time before someone else goes after it (Finland, I'm looking at you). I mean we just killed the shuttle program, flying cars are years off, and the most innovative invention to come out of the U.S. in the last ten years is the Forever Lazy. We could totally use some hyper-advanced alien technology right about now. If anything, we can't afford not to explore this thing.



Look, we were all about sniffing around the Titanic with our multi-million dollar robo-subs and that thing is miles under the ocean. I'm just saying that's a lot of time, money and effort when all we can hope to find aboard is Edwardian opulence and some hastily arranged deck chairs.

While many criticized White Star Line for not carrying enough lifeboats, it's important to note that at the time most people assumed that the Irish stereotypes in 3rd class could simply drink their way to shore.