Let's appease The Gods!

Earthquakes, no, Water-Walking, yes.
Also: Laser-Eyes (not pictured).

An earthquake (5.8!) on the east coast? The hell? Have we offended the gods or something? Well, probably, but it's pretty rare that they bother to do something about it. Maybe they're more pissed off than usual, I don't know. Anyway, I'm not talking about God, or Allah or Shiva, I'm talking about the kind of gods that actually do things. Oh, and I'm really not making fun. Most biblical scholars insist that Jesus doesn't make earthquakes happen. It's just not one of his super-powers. You can't kill a goat for The Lord and expect your house to be quake-proof.

Muslim, Jew, Christian, or Atheist, it
doesn't matter. Cthulhu loves us all.

So what are we supposed to do? Worship Neptune or the Aztec quake god Tepeyollotl? C'mon, this is America. We need some new gods, some 'merican gods. Gods we can all get behind and fear together, regardless of belief. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so, not if we take it slow. Just a couple gods to start with until people adjust. We could probably use a God of the Stock Market, and one for the when you're stuck in traffic. Oh, and a Patron God of Shitty Bandwidth would be nice. Like for real.


Anyway, I'm totally open to suggestions and just to get the ball rolling, I've come up with a God of Earthquakes (see below). His name is Rik-Tor, and for offerings I suggest goats and the occasional iTunes card. So who's with me?

Behold: Rik-Tor, God of Earthquakes!
(artist's rendering)

p.s. For those of you who are not with me, repent or prepare yourself for the wrathful judgement of Rik-Tor.

UPDATE! 'Riktor' is already a thing. A google-ing of the name has revealed that there's a Wizard by that name in Discworld. Oh, well, I guess Rik-Tor will have to be the god of earthquakes and intellectual copyright violations.