Groundhog-accurate technology!

Hey, like, I get that I'm a huge pinko-commie-liberal or whatever, but wouldn't just be easier and more effective to pass gun safety laws?

Pictured: Republicans.

Say what you will about Paul Verhoeven's
movies, but that man is a prophet.

I ask because the super high-tech AI-based weapon detecting machines they're testing in New York's subway stations are...what's the word? Sub-optimal? Barely functional? Boondogglian? Yeah, I like that one. Anyway, the plan is (possibly soon to be was) to install these in several stations a couple of months from now as a kind of test program to see if it's worth it. But it's not. The machines already have something like an 85% false positive rate. 

And yes, they're doing it anyway. The manufacturer, Evolv Technology are a Massachusetts-based--huh? What's that? No, that's how they spell it. Yes, it's dumb. Anyway, their website touts that they are "Creating Safer Experiences" but I mean, are they? Again, no. They're not. But they're selling these things anyway.

Evolv Technology: our scanners probably won't give you cancer...

What? I know he's cute and a tradition,
but he's like fifty/fifty. At best.

The issue is that their machines are going off for just about everything but weapons. According to this article, the pilot program at Jacobi Hospital in The Bronx seemed initially successful with the machines detecting dozens of weapons. But that was two years ago and since then there've been fewer than three hundred accurate detections out of fifty thousand. Fifty thousand false alarms which is like, sub-Punxsutawney Phil level-accuracy. You might as well flip a coin. This feel less like a pilot program and more like free beta testing.

All of us, yes, but I mean, mostly
these guys, right? God they're the worst.

Some of the blame probably lies with New York Mayor Eric Adams for pushing ahead with the program despite it's clear inadequacies, and part must lie with Evolv Technology for scamming the city with underdeveloped technology, but at some point this is on us. Ok, not you or me. Specifically. But on America. As a whole. A country where a security system detects dozens of guns at a hospital and we call it a success instead of a grim reminder of our nation's insane obsession with firearms. 

I understand that when Jesus flew out of the sky on the back of a bald eagle and handed George Washington The Bill of Rights engraved on the back of one of Ted Nugent's guitars, item two explicitly said thou shall never pass reasonable gun laws because freedom or something, but holy shit. This is embarrassing. 

Remember when we did things like invent new and revolutionary
technologies, land on the moon, and promote liberty and democracy around
the world? Yeah, me neither, but could we at least stop shooting one another?