Today in subtle, plant-based allegory:

Incidentally, Texas recently passed
a bill requiring elections to be held
exclusively in Cracker Barrel. 

They know they can just order the regular sausage, right? Who? What sausage? Good questions. I'm referring of course to the nontroversy (it's a controversy that isn't) surrounding Cracker Barrel, the family restaurant beloved by conservatives--what? If elections were held exclusively in Cracker Barrel, Trump would still be President and women wouldn't be allowed to drive--like I was saying, they're now serving plant-based sausages. The company posted about this on Facebook and now news sites have a new culture wars story to report upon.

Since you brought it up, why are
you eating in an old country store?

There're thousands of comments on the thread, a lot of them from people like me dog-piling on those who are angry about the meatless sausage, but here's a sample of one of those who are upset about it:

"We don't eat in an old country store fore [sic] woke burgers."

-someone with enough time 

in their day to comment on a 

restaurant's Facebook page

Is MAGA-dumbs better?

Ha-ha, meat-loving yee-haws are loosing their shit over wokeness. Whatever that is. Bo-ring, right? Yes, but they are. Loosing their shit that is. And the--Sorry? Oh, Yee-haws? People who shout "yee-haw." Huh? How can that be an offensive term? As far as I know, I just made it up and in my defense, they do shout yee-haw. And it's not like they have any room to complain about dismissing entire groups of people with--you know what? Fine. I'll be the bigger person. 

Star Trek had subtler allegories.

Where were we? Right, yeah, I don't care about the argument and obviously, I'm not above it and the requisite stereotypes of the yee-ha-Cracker Barrel patrons, but where this fits the exemplar of our cultural divide is the idea that anyone would get upset by the restaurant offering fake sausage. It's not like they only serve plant-based sausage, it's a menu option. You don't have to order it. So you can see where I'm going with all this. It's pretty obvious, I know, but doesn't make it untrue. Well, c'mon then, this parallel isn't going to draw itself.

Nobody's forcing anyone to get an abortion. Nobody's demanding anyone get gay married. I wouldn't have thought that the difference between the Left and the Right in America could be summed up by a country-themed breakfast chain, but one side wants people to be free to order the sausage that's right for them, whilst the other demands the right to live in a world where their sausage choice is the only sausage choice.

Of course, we could always just wait the culture wars out. I mean, with
that much chicken fried steak and gravy, it's only a matter of time...