Today in bold thinkers boldly thinking:

Goddamnit Adam, DNA doesn't have
currents. You're thinking of bodies of water.

Gee, how imaginative...wait, is that the word? Because Adam Aron, the CEO of AMC Entertainment, seems to think raising ticket prices is. Imaginative. Here, check out this business nonsense:

"A strong current of innovation runs deep throughout AMC's DNA. We have led in the innovating of movie-going to a truly unique and desirable out of home experience."

-Adam Aron, not afraid to mix

the shit out of some metaphors

He then went on to brag to investors about how AMC was the first movie theatre to reward loyal customers with NFT's. Which are something CEO's don't really understand, but think are brilliant because they're a way to make money without actually producing anything, while the rest of us see them as a fad, that's also a scam. A scad, if you will.

Above: a thing that doesn't, in any real sense, exist, yet
is somehow worth sixty-nine million dollars. Of money.

(source: late stage-capitalism)

"We call it, les prix variable,
et c'est magnifiqiue!"

-Some French guy

Anyway, Aron describes the higher ticket prices for The Batman as--wait, didn't I mention? Yeah, tickets for The Batman, which starts today, will cost more than other movies at AMC theaters. Aron describes this as "quite novel in the United States" but it's something they've done for awhile in Europe. It's called variable pricing, but variable sort of suggests variation, but really it just means that when they anticipate a lot of interest in a particular film, they just charge more for tickets. So more accurate terminology would probably be higher pricing, right?

Aron continued his investor pep talk saying:

"What if we charged more money?"

-a bold thinker

"AMC has been a bold thinker in the area of pricing. One that is willing to take risks, and one who is willing to lead, and one who sees considerable upside opportunity for us ahead if we continue to be imaginative."

-Adam Aron, CEO

business genius

To be clear, the bold, imaginative idea AMC came up with to make more money is to charge more for tickets. And I mean, the math does seem to check out. 

"My God...those crazy bastards did it, they really did it..."

-Some business analyst

It's further evidence that the grim
timeline predicted by Wall-E, is
in fact our own dystopian reality. 

But streaming tv is a thing and even before the pandemic it kind of seemed like movie theaters were flailing to come up with ways to get us to get up out of our couches and surrender our ability to pause and take a bathroom break. They serve food and alcohol, and sometimes even deliver these to your seat. They've tried 3D and whatever the hell D-Box is supposed to be. They've even replaced the seats with recliners. Movie theatre seats are basically hospice beds with cup holders. 

Still, Adam Aron has the solution and it's to charge more for tickets. And I get it, capitalism is whatever. If it makes them money, of course they're going to do it and in may ways it's our own damn fault if we fall for it. Still, could you imagine if the newspaper industry tried this?  

"Thank you for not looking at your phone."

-Some newspaper seller