Today in defensive anhedonia:

Oh, right. These people are how
we're still in the middle of the pandemic.

Sorry I've been kind of quiet, but I've been bunkering. Which is something that should be meaningless in the middle (how is it possible that this still the middle?) of a pandemic, but here we are. I think the only difference this and my last eight months is that I've sworn off my usual doom scrolling except for brief check-ins of the news and social media which were, debilitating that first day. It looked like we were definitely in for another four years of this nonsense-at least. I say "at least" because I'm not sure we'll have elections in the future if Trump wins this. 

But now? I can't even say it. I can't say that things look-well, they look less-um...well, you've seen the maps. Things look like this:

Pictured: what things look like.
Not pictured: me bracing for the inevitable reversal.

If there were no electoral college, these
Wyomans' wouldn't get quadruple the voting
power of other-uh...well, I did say almost.

My thing is that I can't even say it. Four years ago we had months of polls telling us about how hard Trump was going to loose. We rolled our eyes at the Trump crazies and their impossible goal of installing the former host of The Apprentice in the highest office in the land, but then won? Sort of? Like, I understand how the electoral college works, and I can almost see the logic behind it, but in no universe will it ever make sense to me to let an arcane system invented by eighteenth century farmers in wigs put a sociopath in office over a popularly elected candidate.

Above: this, but instead of a thrilling ride and
 nausea there're white supremacists and the slow 
death rattle of democracy. And also nausea.

Huh? Yeah, I'm sick of me talking about that too, so let's get back to my inability to feel joy. After what happened last time, I guess I'm just waiting for the punch in the teeth. The moment where some state official somewhere holds a press conference to let us know that there's been a huge tabulation error. Or maybe if one of the thirty or forty lawsuits the GOP is already filing finds its way before a Trump appointed judge or something and they just litigate themselves back on top. I'm not sure I can handle ridding this roller coaster much longer.

Anyway, I just thought I'd say hi and let you know that I'm still here and riding the peaks and valleys of this four day anxiety attack. Let's all take a breath, keep our fingers crossed and studiously avoid jinxing anything by letting hope creep in, even for an instant...

Pictured: my actual fingers.