S.C.A.T.-illogical

I wouldn't blame you is all I'm saying.

S.C.A.T.? I mean, S.C.A.T.? Why? Huh? Yes, I'm going to explain. Settle down. But first I want to let you know that this is going to be a post about video games, and I'm going to get in the weeds here and-wha? Yes, again. Look, I'm mentioning this upfront so that you have the option to bail out now. Still there? Really? Wow I-huh? It's just, I'm surprised is all. I thought you'd be sick of these by now. Well, I mean if you were going to check out, I'd probably just take the day off and skip this one, but if you're sticking around, let's get into it.

For example: the pandemic, police
violence, climate change, the fires,
the election...basically everything.

For those unfamiliar, Switch's online service includes some 8 and 16-bit games from the NES and SNES and the service itself is cheaper than the online subscriptions for PlayStation and Xbox, but you don't get as much. Most people are there to play things like Mario Kart 8 and Splatoon 2 or whatever online so really the older games are sort of a bonus feature and the relative dearth of retro games isn't that big of a deal. Who cares, right? Well I do, but there are obviously more important things in the world to worry about than this.

Pictured: Jaleco's The Peace Keepers.
Which I suppose is an ironic title?

Still though. With hundreds and hundreds of games between the NES and SNES, the drip feed of games on the online service is baffling. It used to be four or five a month and has slowed to maybe a couple every two months. Which, whatever, like I said, it's basically free. But the games they dredge up are getting increasingly bizarre. Like, this month they added  Donkey Kong Country 2 and that's super, but also a Japanese Picross game, some obscure Jaleco brawler called The Peace Keepers, and then there's S.C.A.T.

Yeah, S.C.A.T. As in poo. It's a generic side-scrolling shooter with an unintentionally hilarious title that surely someone, somewhere along the way should have prevented. And it's also a game I guarantee you no one ever asked for.

Jetpacks? Check. Tortured acronym? Check.
Dude with gritted teeth and a headband? Double check.
They could have just called it Early 90's: The Game. 

Rolling a hoop with a stick can
only entertain a kid for so long. 

I'm not dragging S.C.A.T. as a game. I'm sure it's fine if completely forgettable. I mean, I probably rented it when the grocery store was out of everything else-yes, we used to rent games and movies at the grocery store. I'm old, but's that's not my point. My point is why we live in a world where S.C.A.T., Eliminator Boat Duel and Shadow of the Ninja get re-releases but the service is missing legitimate classics like Metal Gear, Contra and Final Fanta-see? I told you we were getting into the weeds. Look, I did warn you when we set out on this path. If your eyes are glazing over, you have no one to blame but yourself. 

Pictured: Hot to Trot,
the S.C.A.T. of movies.

And really, all you need to know is that while there are some great retro games on the app, there're also some weird omissions and some straight-up bonkers inclusions. I think a useful, but flawed, analogy would be a streaming movie and TV service. Obviously they're not the same thing. Like I said, Nintendo online's retro games are a bonus feature, and not the point, but imagine if Netflix had like 60 things total and only added new stuff every couple of months. And say this month they announced that they were adding seasons two and five of Charles in Charge and the 1988 Bobcat Goldthwait talking horse comedy, Hot to Trot. It would be like that. Again, I'm not complaining, I'm just expressing my-admittedly niche-befuddlement at the choice of games they're making here. Also, I mean, S.C.A.T.?