Monster, monster, monster...monster.

So what, they just own the word monster? Who? The people who make the popular energy-and by energy they mean caffeine and sugar-drink, Monster Energy. You know, the beverage that's been giving teens heart attacks since 2002? You'd probably recognize their logo from window decals on cars owned by guys in their twenties who vape and call everyone "bro."

Yes, actual heart attacks. Why is this shit still on the market?

"What the fuck is a lacrimosa?"

-Everyone

I'll back up. Video games sometimes have dumb titles. Like, dumb. Sometimes it's because they come from another country, like Japan, and the localization team just directly translates the titles. Other times they're just weird for the sake of weird. Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days? Ogre Battle 64: Person of Lordly Caliber? And sit down for this one: Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of Dana. the list goes on. But the upcoming Immortals: Fenyx Rising may have taken the crown in an industry famous for preposterous names. And that wasn't even the original title. When the game's publisher, Ubisoft, announced it back in June of 2019 it was going to be called Gods and Monsters which, Gods and Monsters, right? It's a pretty good title for a game about greek gods and mythical creatures.

Pictured: Monster Energy Drink...or
possibly a video game. Who can say?

Cool, but why the hell are we talking about Immortals: Fenyx Rising? Because the name change was evidently the result of a trademark challenge by the Monster Beverage Corporation. The company I guess feels that they own the word "monster." According to this, the company filed a challenge on the grounds that their brand would be damaged by Ubisoft's use of the "monster" in the title because consumers (that's us) will confuse the game with their caffeine sugar garbage water. And Ubisoft has apparently given in.

People might however confuse it
with Breath of the Wild so maybe
keep those lawyers handy.

A spokesperson for Ubisoft said that the name change "was entirely because of the vision of the game" but the trademark challenge meant that's probably just spin and that they were trying to avoid a legal fight. And that's just ridiculous. I don't particularly like Ubisoft as a company-they're not great-but exactly zero people anywhere are in any danger of confusing thier game with an energy drink. I mean, one is a can of soda and the other is a video game and you know, not wet so...

And you know, no. Look, again, I don't care about Ubisoft, nor do I care what they call this game, but I really can't stand this corporate bullshit of laying claim to words. And not nonsense words like Verizon or Lyft, those are made up. Actual words. The line must be drawn here. They cannot have monster. That's our word for things like Dracula, Godzilla and certain muppets and I'm taking it back.

Monster, monster, monster.
What are you going to do about it?