Joe Pags totally knows Ted Nugent you guys...

Well, I don't know about you, but I've certainly been waiting for some old white conservative men to finally weigh in on this whole March for our Lives nonsense. And weigh in some did, and old and white they are.

Old conservative white guys:
"...fucking it up since 12,000 b.c."

"...someday, and that day may never come,
 I may call upon you to do a service for me..."

-God, apparently

"All you have to do now is not only feel sorry for the liars, but you have to go against them and pray to God that the lies can be crushed and the liars can be silenced so that real measures can be put into place to actually save children's lives."

-Ted Nugent, on the Parkland survivors -wait, 

did he just ask that God to silence them?

Yes, that's noted batshit crazy assault rifle enthusiast bringing his valuable perspective to America's gun debate. That perspective: more guns.

Joe Pags really, really wants you to
know that he knows Ted Nugent. Because
 you know, he knows Ted Nugent. Ted Nugent.

It's a perspective he shared with Joe Pagliarulo, a conservative radio ho-sorry, Joe Pags. Yeah, that's what he calls himself. Anyway, on his show he called Nugent-

"...who's been a friend of mine twenty years, the same Ted Nugent, Motor City Madman, the same Ted Nugent that you guys all know, who has been putting out great records for a very long time..."

-Joe Pags, Radio host and

guy who knows Ted Nugent 

From VH1's Legends of Dad Rock

Anyway, after going on about how awesome Ted Nugent is, and holy shit does he go on. Apparently he's a legend...of sports? Music? Who can say? The point is he's a friend of Joe Pags, and as such, Pags (it's what the kids are calling him) asked him to his show to talk about "these children, who are saying such awful, disgusting things about the NRA." The children he's referring to, of course, are the Parkland shooting survivors who are using their experience to draw attention to how fucked up America is when it comes to guns.

Apparently he's famously anti-drug,
which means this is all just crazy.

First Joe Pags welcomed him to the show: "Ted, I appreciate you coming on, how are you?"

"I'm so good it's stupid, I'm actually sharing my lust for the American dream, my, my dream of excellence and we the people individual freedoms and rugged individuality and rugged individualism I'm literally stoned on freedom, I'm high on liberty and I'm willing to share it with you Joe."

-Ted Nugent on...well, 

drugs? No? Really?

And then he goes on to explain how Emma Gonzalez, David Hogg and the other Parkland survivors are the soulless shills of a media conspiracy to take away freedom:

Specifically the freedom to hunt
deer with assault rifles, I guess...

"The dumbing down of America is manifested in the culture of deprivation of our academia that have taught these kids the lies, media that have prodded and encouraged and provided these kids lies. I really feel sorry for them...These poor children, I'm afraid to say this and it hurts me to say this, but the evidence is irrefutable, they have no soul."

-Nugent speaking out against

the victims of gun violence

for insisting that it’s a problem

"The Media, the educational system...but where
does the Illuminati fit in? Ah, there it is..."

Wow, I know he's like an NRA board member who shoots his own meat, but even among people who own bunkers and stock pile weapons in readiness for a rebellion against the government, that's pretty paranoid. Just a few weeks ago these kids were hiding in closets and under tables because a classmate with serious issues had access to an AR-15. You don't need a vast media conspiracy and academia (wah?) to make the dots connect. It seems pretty reasonable that they'd be out there trying prevent this from happening again.

An apartheid-era sign from a
 'Whites Only' beach in South Africa.
Which Nugent is apparently pro.

Speaking of connecting dots, not for nothing, but Nikolas Cruz, the former student who carried out the shooting, held some seriously racist attitudes and was himself a fan of hunting and guns. All boxes ticked by Nugent himself and-huh? Oh yeah, super-racist. Like he enjoys dropping racial slurs, was on board with apartheid and once referred to President Obama as, I shit you not, a "subhuman mongrel." I'm not suggesting that hunting + racism = school shooter, I'm just suggesting that maybe Ted Nugent shouldn't be so quick to point to goddamn CNN for why they're going after the NRA.

Move over Immanuel Kant,
Ted Nugget's got something to say

Also, I'm not qualified to judge whether or not the high school students that organized March for Our Lives have souls or if any of us do for that matter. But I do feel pretty confident that it's not the kind of philosophical question the guy behind Cat Scratch Fever is qualified to chime in on either. But this is America and we debate things, and that's super. I guess I just think that a debate is more valuable when it starts from a place of 'this is a complicated issue, let's discuss,' rather than ‘fuck those lying liars, can you believe how much they lie?’

I guess we can console ourselves with the knowledge that Ted Nugent isn't exactly what you'd call an influencer. After a quick Google search to find out who he even is, these teens probably just shrugged off his comments as the rantings of some nut job their grandparents used to listen to and then went back to bringing down the gun lobby. Advantage: these meddling kids.

Above: Just some of the millions of Americans who don't
care about what Ted Nugent has to say about anything.