Today in schadenfreude...

Sorry everybody, I don't know how to tell you this but...ok, here goes: Forbes just released their list of wealthiest Americans and Donald Trump, whom you might remember as the guy you, and in fact most people, didn't vote for, is now only the 248th richest.

Toping both the list of richest Americans and world's
 richest is Bill Gates with $89 billion, begging the
question 'How come he's not our President?'

Above: God Nisanov's
billionaire's yearbook photo.

If you need to take a minute, it's alright. There's no shame in crying, this is, of course, devastating news. Go ahead, I'll be right here...back? Good, good. We're going to get through this...together. Ok, according to this, Trump has slid down the list from 156th richest last year when he was worth $3.7 billion-yes, with a goddamn 'B', to his new spot at 248 with only $3.1 billion, yes also with a goddamn 'B,' which is, if you're counting and I know I am, is $600 million dollars poorer and 92 places lower on the list. Officially, at $3.1 billion he is as rich as and no longer richer than God. Huh? Yeah, no really. God Nisanov. He's a Russian entrepreneur and according to Forbes has $3.1 billion. He also enjoys diving and horse breeding. Now you know. Thanks Wikipedia!

"In my defense, these people were
stupid enough to trust me."

-The sitting President

So back to this sad, sad tale of a sad, sad man. A reasonable question might be, what happened? According to Forbes, the New York real estate market had a lot to do with it, which sounds weird because Trump owns property in New York and rent there is preposterous, but I don't understand business. There were also several lawsuits over Trump University. You know, the fake university scam the now leader of the free world was running? The one where he accused the judge of being biased because he's Mexican? Yeah, that cost him a $25 million settlement.

And of course the campaign was a factor. I would imagine that when you're an obscenely rich New Yorker famous for sexually harassing women, cynically exploiting faith and mocking prisoners of war, convincing rubes that you're one of them in terms of economic status and religious outlook must be expensive.

Expensive but evidently not impossible. 

Above: Elon Musk, one of the many,
many people with more money than
Trump. Also he's a crazy person who
wants to colonize the planet Mars.

Ok, all kidding aside, what's it to me if President Trump is slightly less rich? Well, nothing, really. I mean, $3.1 billion is about $3,099,949,000 more than I'll likely see in my life time, so is this just schadenfreude? Sure. We watched an unqualified goon bully, buy and lie his way into the White House, of course I love hearing about how he's been bumped down from his meaningless place on a stupid list of rich people. Of course I do. Especially since he strikes me as the kind of person for whom such rankings are like, super important. Is that petty of me? You bet.

I guess I'm just clinging to a fantasy, no matter how ridiculous it might be, that at some point he's just going to decide it's not worth it. The money, the damage to his public image. I mean, a lot of us hate him. Hate him. He's no longer a celebrity we just roll our eyes at for his stupid reality show, he's a monster that might start a war. So maybe if it gets bad enough he'll just, you know, quit and save us the trouble of 25th amendmenting him.

One favor though, if you do quit please, please, fire Pence. Like for real.