Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Tanks for nothing!

So remember the Inauguration? You know, the greatest and most attended event in the history of all forever? Well, get this: if the Pentagon wasn't so lame it would have been even greater-er. Yeah, they asked for tanks and the Pentagon said no.
"C'mon, just a couple? Or how 'bout some Humvees
with gun turrets? guys used to be cool."

-The Inauguration Commitee
Unfortunately, cutbacks meant meant key
assets like the Mobile Command Center
have been mothballed. Thanks Obama... 
Apparently back in December, the campaign, presumably high on their electoral victory and let's say, cocaine,* shot an email over to the Pentagon asking to borrow military vehicles for that little parade/motorcade thing Presidents do after the inauguration. According to an incredulous official, the request was basically:

"Can you send us some pictures of military vehicles we could add to the parade...I explained that such support would be out of guidelines..."

-An actual Pentagon official having to explain  
to Trump's staff that military vehicles are not toys

I'm kidding, Inauguration Day was very well
attended. Look at this photo of-oh, wait, that's the
Women's March. Huh, way more came to that...
Pictures. Of military vehicles. For their parade. I think 'out of guidelines' must be army-speak for 'no way in hell you ridiculous spray-tanned goon.' Holy shit. I mean, holy shit. Military equipment is for national defense and occasionally pretending to look for WMD's in countries with oil. It's not for show and it's certainly make the former host of The Apprentice look tough in front of the two or three thousand gun nuts and white supremacists who showed up on The Mall to watch him smirk his way through the oath of office.

And another thing, Trump is a real-estate developer, it's not like he has any connection to the military other than he thinks it would be neat to start a war or two. If anything, he should have paraded a phalanx of lawyers down Pennsylvania Avenue.
Besides, marching alongside hundreds of lawyers, Trump might
have come off almost likable. That's right, lawyer jokes. I'm edgy.
"Dah, and...?"
-The only person who actually
likes the electoral college

Speaking of, lawyers, did you say Russia? Because remember a couple days ago when FBI director Comey just sort of casually mentioned that they're looking into ties between Trump's associates and Russian intelligence during the campaign? Well now Adam Schiff, a congressperson on the House Intelligence Committee, is saying that he's seen more than circumstantial evidence of collusion. Um, isn't 'more than circumstantial evidence,' just, you know, evidence? Evidence that goddamn Vladimir Putin basically picked our President for us?

And if there is evidence, like actual proof that the campaign coordinated with Russian intelligence to get Trump elected, shouldn't we all be freaking out about this right now? Freaking out and putting a hold on things like, Supreme Court nominations and dismantling the health care law? Because I'm kind of freaking out right now. It's a mix of despair, schadenfreude and the unshakeable feeling that no matter how guilty this guys is, he's going to hang in there 'till the bitter end.
I really don't want to jinx anything, but should we putting
the Nixon escape 'copter on standby? You know, just in case?

*I'm sorry, was I making wild and baseless claims without providing a shred of evidence? How 'bout that...

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