Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Let's not grow a beard, shall we?

Hey, did you know that it's November? Well it is and for many that means not shaving. Yeah, it's no-shave November, a special time of the year where men grow beards in order to raise awareness of cancer...because some cancer treatments result in hair loss...wai-wah?
Wow, say, that's a nice beard. You know what else is growing?
My awareness of cancer. Thanks No Shave November participant!
Isn't that a little like raising awareness of
obesity by eating cake? No? Fine...
Yeah, the logic doesn't make a lot of sense. According to the website-and yes, not shaving apparently has a website:

"The goal of No-Shave November is to grow awareness by embracing our hair, which many cancer patients lose, letting it grow wild and free. Donate the money you typically spend on shaving and grooming to educate about cancer prevention, save lives, and aid those fighting the battle."

Unless Altoids cure cancer,
this is not enough money...
So people are growing beards for those who can't, which to me kind of sounds like they're rubbing it in. And the money that one typically spends in a month on shaving and grooming, and I assume they mean the average, beard-capable human, is like what, a couple of bucks? Is this cancer research or a tip jar? I mean, I'm not pro-cancer like at all, and I absolutely think that No Shave November is totally a great cause it's just that...I mean are more beards really the answer? Aren't we done with these yet?

Pictured: your beard.
I'm not trying to tell anyone else what they should go and not do for an entire month, but I invite everyone to shave regularly if that's their preference. Beards, and I mean this, are terrible. No, not your beard of course. Yours is quite fetching, but beards in general. I've had enough of them. They're everywhere. Everyone biologically capable of growing one seems to have one now and frankly, I'm sick of it. Sick of it. Therefore, I propose we defraud a cancer charity.

Look, No Shave November is just a website, and can't possibly have eyes everywhere, so who's to say you're not shaving that ridiculous, unkempt face rug? Again, not your beard. Your beard suits you. Anyway, I say maintain your regular grooming routine, donate to No Shave November and have it both ways. Because seriously. Beards. Ugh...
Stop that! It's not the 1890's
and you are not a lumberjack!

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