Friday, September 16, 2016

No cookie for stating obvious.

Above: Jimmy Fallon noogie-ing Trump
before not asking him about things like
the border fence or mass deportations.
No, just...just no. You know one of the most frustrating things about Donald Trump running for President isn't that he's the caustic, incoherent misogynistic, racist embodiment of everything wrong with America. I mean, that's part of it, but it's also that he gets news coverage for anything he does and says. Like, anything. Jimmy Fallon gave him a noogie on The Tonight Show and that's all anyone can talk about the next day. And now he's saying that President Obama really was born in the U.S, which is like an objective fact, but we're giving him the mic again anyway.

The President's birthplace was never in doubt by anyone except him and tin-foil hat-wearing conspiracy enthusiasts. So all he's doing is reversing his position on some crazy bullshit he made up years ago. What does he want, a cookie? Because he can't goddamn have one.
"No cookie for stating obvious!"
-Cookie Monster, weighing in
Sure, noted diet pill spokesman Dr. Oz says
Trump's of sound body, but what about mind?
Shouldn't we hear from a fake shrink too?
And then in a simultaneously galling and befuddling move he blamed Hillary Clinton for starting the birther thing in the first place. Behold:

"Hillary Clinton and her campaign of 2008 started the birther controversy. I finished it. You know what I mean..."

-Donald Trump on how we must all be idiots

Um no, we don't know what he means. He should probably elaborate on that wild accusation.

Oh, right, because half of us make
astoundingly bad life decisions.
Let me get this straight, he's saying that Hillary Clinton made up his birther conspiracy? Why did he then promulgate it for like four years? In fact, he didn't just repeat it, he became like King of the Birthers. So did Hillary Clinton use like a Jedi mind trick or brain wash him or something? Did he only now manage to shake off her programing like some kind of orange Manchurian Candidate? This just raises more questions than it answers. Like, how is this race even close?

I don't think for a minute that Donald Trump ever truly believed that President Obama was born in Kenya, or at least I don't think he ever really cared one way or the other. What I do think is that he rode the birther thing like Muad'Dib on the sandworm because it earned him the racist idiot vote, which if polls in Ohio and Florida are any indication is like, his key demo. But since they're going to vote for him no matter what he says, might as well take advantage of all the free media attention, right?
I love Dune and all, but upon further consideration,
I think this might be a more apt analogy.

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