He knows The Purge was just a movie, right?

As we speak, grade school history book
publishers are cutting the War of 1812 to
cover that time Hillary Clinton didn't
get in trouble for the email thing. 

Alright, just so we're clear, nobody is allowed to shoot anybody. At all. Ever. So could we all just stop saying that? What the hell am I talking about? This. Oh, right, I forgot, you never click on the links. At a campaign rally yesterday, Donald Trump said:

"The only thing she's done well, and she'll go down in history for it, is getting out of trouble with the emails. That's the single greatest achievement of Hillary Clinton...."

-Noted legal scholar and gameshow host
Donald Trump on how life's not fa-ir...

Wait, hold on. Is he saying that not being prosecuted by the FBI is an achievement? Because I don't know about you, but I've never been prosecuted by the FBI either so what, do I get like a prize or something? 

Has this ever happened to you? No? Than congrats,
your remarkable achievement in the field of not being
the subject of a federal investigation will go down in history.

Right smack in the heart, it
doesn't count if you just wing'em.

Yeah. But whatever, the real bonkers bit is where he went on to suggest that Hillary Clinton can get away with murdering, literally murdering, Trump's supporters. Oh yes, check it out:

...because she is being so protected, she could walk into this arena right now and shoot somebody with twenty thousand people watching. Right smack in the middle of the heart, and she wouldn't be prosecuted, okay. That's what's happening, that is what's happened to our country."

-Donald Tru-wait,
I'm sorry, for real? 

"Let's see...murder is...huh, illegal. What
do you know? So much for that theory."

-Some Lawyers

So why the hell is murder like the go-to for him? What is it with conservatives and guns? Like that time he kind of asked 'second amendment people' to 'do something' about Hillary Clinton. And didn't he once suggest that he himself could shoot random passers by in New York and not even loose votes? I'm not like a lawyer or anything, but I'm pretty sure that if either Clinton or Trump went on a murderous rampage, it would not only be surprising, but also a prosecutable offense.

Ok, let me see if I'm tracking this: Clinton being ahead in the polls is evidence of a vast conspiracy by some shadowy cabal who is not only behind rigging the election against Trump but is also prepared to give Clinton carte blanc to commit murder. Wow, holy shit, is this not a red flag to anybody in the GOP?

"On the advice of the vast, anti-Trump liberal conspiracy designed to make America terrible, I'm
dismissing the murder charges against Secretary Clinton. She's free to go and murder some more."