Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Just the tip?*

Women can have short hair? I don't
know what to believe in anymore...
So remember a few days ago when a server at a New Jersey restaurant was tipped with some anti-gay bullshit instead of, you know, money as is traditional? Yeah. Dayna Morales was waiting on a family at the Gallop Asian Bistro (think P.F. Chang's but somehow less authentic) when the mother said: "Oh I thought you were going to say your name is Dan, you sure surpassed us!" Morales was understandably offended, but refrained from spitting in the family's meal because she's a better human being than most of us.

Above: Awfulness.
Then, after they left, Morales found the following scrawled on the check: "I'm sorry, but I cannot tip because I don't agree with your lifestyle & how you live your life," because clearly someone is unaware of the internet and it's ability to disseminate outrage at incredible speeds. Awful, right? Oh, and I feel the need to point out that it's redundant to say they disagree with her lifestyle and how she lives her life. Aren't those kind of the same thing? Look, it's bad enough they left a hateful message on the bill, but would it have killed them to proofread it first? And why are they writing out the ampersand, 'and' is three letters. That's just lazy. Anyway, are you ready for the shocking twist? A couple has come forward claiming to be the customers Morales waited on and insisting that they totally tipped her and that they never wrote the message on the bill.

Above: One of the terrifying shadow
people who say Morales is lying.

"[We] don't think that way...most tolerant people, I don't care what you do in your life, um, if you're a good person."

-The Anonymous Customer,
not caring what you do in your life

"You got us, the whole gay thing is
 just a big scam. We totally love pussy."

-Gay people

Why would Morales make something like that up? And what would be in it for her? I mean, other than the outpouring of sympathy, media attention and money. Oh yes, the money. The restaurant even set up a Paypal account for her, and she's collected over $2,000 in 'tips,' all of which she's donating to the Wounded Warrior Project (Morales is a former Marine). Clearly this is just another case of the LGBT community making up homophobia as part of a scheme to benefit disabled veterans, right? Typical...

Weeeell...according to the local NBC station who interviewed them, the couple's customer receipt proves that they tipped Morales...unless it totally doesn't prove anything. The thing about a customer copy, at least in my experience, is that it's just another copy of the bill that you can take home. You can write whatever the hell you want on it.
I'm on to you Redacted...
Hell is for murderers, shitty tippers
and people who carry their dogs
around in their purses.
Not to jump to conclusions here, but couldn't the mystery couple have dug up their copy, filled out a generous tip and called channel 4? But then why would they do that? Sure, it's possible that Morales or someone other than the couple who came forward could have added the message after the they left, but the restaurant's copy still doesn't include a tip, so even if they're not homophobes they're still assholes for not tipping on a $93 bill. Blamo. Case closed. Mystery couple are definitely gaycists, bad tippers or both. Either way there's a warm spot in hell for...

Iron-clad proof...well, aluminum foil-clad, but the
extra strong kind, like Reynolds or something.
...wait, wait, hang on, there's more. The couple also gave channel 4 a copy of their credit card bill showing a charge of $111.55 to the Gallop Asian Bistro, which the reporter then waved at Morales and the restaurant manager demanding an explanation, because journalism is alive in America. And as we all know, there's no way someone could have faked a shitty xerox of a bill you can print out at home. So what's the deal? Is Dayna Morales a liar out to prey on people's sympathies? Are the anonymous shadow people just a couple of homophobic douchebags? 

We may never know, but I think the lesson here is remember to tip your server with goddamn money and not whatever rude, bigoted comments leap to mind. It'll make you seem like a better person and help to avoid whatever bodily fluids your server might see fit to introduce into your meal as a means of retaliation.
That practiced smile hides a boiling sea of hatred for you and your request for extra napkins
after she totally just came back with that water you asked for. Like, she asked you if there was anything
else and you said no. What, were the napkins a surprise? You'd better tip. You'd better tip well.
*What? I'm saying just leave the tip, what did you think I-really? Get your mind out of the gutter...

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