Party like it's 1979!

Nintendo has a park with rides, Atari on
the other hand, realizes that it's devotees
just want a nap. And maybe a drink.

I'm old enough to have played Atari games, but not so old that I have any sort of nostalgia for them. That is, just I caught the post-crash tail end of if where Nintendo was using mafia style tactics to take over the industry, which we were fine with because the games were objectively better. You heard me. In any case, the name Atari seems now to be little more than brand that's licensed out to be slapped on T-shirts and, absurdly, a hotel. No, really. Oh, and plug and play consoles. 

Just because I'm a snob, doesn't
make me wrong about this.

Tons of plug and play devices full of ancient games and sold as the Atari Flashback, trading entirely on nostalgia. And they've been rather successful at it, which kind of undermines my point, but then these aren't games consoles per se. It might be (definitely is) snobbish of me to say this, but plug and plays are more for casual gamers. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just that this is something you pick up at Costco or wherever, hook up to a TV for a month or two, and then stuff in the closet.

"Why is this? Like, why?"

-everyone

Yes, the Flashback series has been successful, there've been seventeen of them--seventeen--but they're not real consoles. The closest thing to a new Atari console would be the Atari VCS. Back in 2021, a completely different company tried to market a three hundred dollar streaming console under not only the Atari name, but using the same branding, VCS, as the original 2600. It fell flat, probably due to expense, lack of a clear market for the thing, and the aforementioned plug and plays.

And it didn't help that virtually everything from that era was already available in digital compilations on like every platform. Compilations that cost way less than three hundred dollars of money. In fact, whatever you're reading this on right now probably has an Atari games compilation on it. Everything does. Everything.

Above: in case you needed another reason to be disappointed in Tesla.

I should clarify that these games were
released while Carter was President. He didn't
program Missile Command or anything. 

So color me befuddled when I learned that there's to be yet another new Atari console coming out next week. Yes, this one is slightly different to the VCS. Unlike the streaming device, this one is basically an HDMI cartridge-based console meaning you can play original game cartridges, assuming they weren't garage sold decades ago and haven't succumbed to oxidation. Or you can buy new, old cartridges. That is, re-releases of games from the Carter administration. Which is admittedly kind of cool. 

Take my money Nintendo, take it!

I know I just complained that Atari games are really, really hard to go back to and--I didn't? Well, they are. Iron Age graphics aside, games of that era usually didn't have any sort of arc to them, they just got harder and faster until you lost. I find them a bleak reminder of real life. It's a matter of taste, I know, but I can't imagine playing Asteroids for more than a few minutes. But I do like the idea of reviving old game consoles. I'm a big enough sucker that I'd buy a new Super NES or Gameboy in anno domini 2023 if such a thing were possible.

But alas, that's not what's happening. Instead, someone looked at the disastrous release of the VCS, and then at the super-saturation of Atari compilations and plug and play consoles (all seventeen of them) and said: "Yes. Yes, now is the perfect time to re-introduce America to the blocky, repetitive nonsense that is Atari of the late 70's."

Would it have killed them to reevaluate that controller though?
I'm convinced that whoever designed it has never seen a human hand
before. I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome just looking at it.