Hey! Listen...

I'm no economist, but I understand that it's a fundamental principle of capitalism that more money is preferable to less money, and that if something makes money, do it again. I'm not saying that this is a good thing, just that it's a true thing and that's why I find myself feeling some ambivalence towards the news that there's going to be a Legend of Zelda movie.

Pictured: basically everything I know about capitalism.

Above: a stock photo depicting anticipation.

Look, I'm not going to be one of those nay-sayers that says nay about a thing before it's a thing. I'm not a screenwriter, and I'm not a marketing person, and whether or not this movie turns out well will have no real bearing on my life beyond my walking out of it saying either "that was ok" or "that was terrible." But this is the internet, I have a blog, and there's news about a video game movie and I'm sure you're simply rapt with anticipation to know what I think about it. Well, like I said, I'm feeling ambivalence.

"It was acceptable!"

-raves an adult with a blog 

discussing a children's movie

The Super Mario Bros. movie was fine. Good even by the standards of both video game movies and family friendly movies sold to adults on the basis of nostalgia. I enjoyed watching it. I can't now tell you what happened in it, but it was diverting for the ninety-minute run time and it made a ton of money. Which, I guess that's all we ask now of film, as a medium. So like I said, I get the instinct on Nintendo's part to do that again, but this time Zelda. More money is preferable to less money.

I mean, a mirror under the table? Definitely
worth breaking a lifetime of taciturnity.

But there is something a little more adaptable about Super Mario Bros. than the Legend of Zelda. For one thing, Mario talks. I mean, rarely more than the odd wa-hoo and it's a me, but we've heard him communicate. Link, the protagonist of the Zelda games, does not. At least in the games, but we don't discuss the animated series or the CDI nonsense. In-universe Link presumably speaks, but the conceit--with rare exceptions--is that we don't hear him speak. Grunt, yes, but not speak. And the idea of a voiced, live action Link, makes me a bit nervous. Oh, didn't I mention that this is to be live action? Because it is, and that's the other thing that's giving me pause. 

Above: a stock photo depicting despondency.

Like, someone, some actor, is evidently going to don the green tunic and pointy-hat and act for between ninety minutes and two hours and I don't know how I feel about that. Oh, right, ambivalent. And also, I don't know, I think it's going to be weird seeing a talking, real-live Link. Maybe this is how old people felt when Robin Williams played Pop-eye? Or how young people felt when M. Night Shyamalan set thier childhoods on fire with The Last Airbender?

Again, this won't actually have a negative impact on my, or anyone else's life, but as a fan, it's a little hard to know just how to feel about it. 

What? I just assumed Timothée Chalamet was going to play Link.
Didn't you? Like, it's the laziest, most obvious casting so...