Last one, and then I'll shut up about this.

So I've seen The Rise of Skywalker for a second time, and I've sat with it for-huh? Yes, I'm going to talk about freaking Star Wars again. This is a nerd blog on the internet, don't act all surprised when I can't shut up about Star Wars. Besides, I'm sure there's plenty of other things you could be doing. Have you ever considered enjoying the outdoors with friends?

I mean, look at these people. Outside in the sun,
waving their arms around. That could be you!

Pictured: grown-ass adults.

Yeah, I thought not. Where was I? Right, TROS. As I mentioned, I've seen it a second time but haven't softened on it like I thought I would. If anything, it's illogical, hole-filled plot, Monster Energy Drink pacing and total lack of stakes of any kind are even more grating on repeat viewing. And look, I'm a Star Wars fan. I'm not showing up on opening night waving a plastic light saber, I mean, I have my dignity, but I like it as a thing.

"We're terrible, I mean, just human
garbage, and yet here we are."

-Republicans

But still, this movie. Just...yikes. And sure, there are plenty of people who liked it, they're wrong, but they're out there. Ok, they're not wrong. It's subjective, I get that, I what I just can't understand is why. I mean it's...it's clearly a mess, a hodgepodge of story elements designed to appease toxic internet trolls. So what's the appeal? Is it that they just really, really wanted to enjoy it no matter what? Or is it like politics? Like how seemingly normal people have regular jobs and friends and yet still vote Republican?

Did I mention that Abrams ripped
off The Goonies? Because he did.
Rip off The Goonies that is.

And why am I still on about it? What do I want to yuck their yum for anyway? Like, if someone can find some small joy in a world of mass shootings and chicken sandwich shortages, who am I to chime in with nitpicks and nay sayings? With snide comments about Kelly Marie Tran's sidelining, or how Carrie Fisher's scenes felt contrived and disrespectful to the actor. And who am I to complain about how ridiculous all that nonsense with the wayfinder and the dagger and Sith hood ornament (no, really) was?

Some dork with a blog that's who. And if I don't point out how the whole movie is a big middle finger to Rian Johnson's much better The Last Jedi, who will? Huh? Literally the entire internet? Oh shit, am I part of the problem?

Well, yes, obviously I am. But not the whole problem, right?
Like, I didn't bring the Emperor back in goddamn Fortnite.