Vigilance in the face of widespread unicorns!

Above: The woman America voted for
delivering her concession speech.
Because democracy...I guess...

Well I hope you happy everybody, the President has dissolved the voter fraud commission. Huh? "What voter fraud commission?" Yeah, I'm not surprised this one slipped under the radar. Trump put the commission together back in May and gave them a directive investigate the 2016 election. "But wait,' you say, 'didn't he win that election?' Yes, technically. But if you recall he just won the electoral college, most of us voted for Hillary Clinton. Man, where would the GOP be without the electoral college?

You could ask them, but the answer is
mostly red-faced anger and something
about Hillary Clinton's emails.

Anyway, the now defunct voter fraud commission, was set up to look into the millions of illegal votes the President insists must have been cast in a vast Democratic conspiracy which, while ultimately unsuccessful did manage to rob the President of the popular vote. After all, why would the majority of voters choose a qualified, even-tempered former Senator and Secretary of State who unarguably trounced him in three debates over a ragingly misogynistic ex-gameshow host who ran on a platform of racism and locking up his opponent?

Pictured: the President, pouting,
behind the Resolute desk.

Ok, so why shut down commission? In a statement he made last night, Trump said:

"Despite substantial evidence of voter fraud, many states have refused to provide the Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity with basic information relevant to its inquiry..."

-The President, probably 

while pouting behind the 

Resolute desk-hey look!

"Anyone here vote for crooked Hillary?
No? Thought not. I rest my case."

-President Trump, speaking at

a rally he held for himself

He's referring to the commission's demand that states turn over voter information including names, birth dates, partial social security numbers and voting history. A demand that states balked at because saying 'widespread voter fraud' is a little like saying 'widespread unicorns.' The 'substantial evidence' the President is referring to is apparently his firmly held belief that he's awesome and that everyone loves him. Which I suppose I can forgive him given the amount to time he spends with sycophants on his golf course or holding rallies for himself.

In addition to being a preposterous waste of tax payer money with the sole intent of assuaging the President's bruised ego, there was also concern that the commission's secondary goal was to justify new and interesting ways to restrict voting. Don't believe me? Lookit this:

Whaaaaaat? A tweet from the President?

Oh right, because of the Nazi thing...

Yup, that's Trump saying that the commission was thwarted by Democrats who wanted to hide all the voter fraud he made up, and then calling for voter I.D. laws which statistically discourage minority voters. The President, if you recall, kind of made it part of his platform to stroke white male conservatives who are feeling under-appreciated and get them to vote against their rational interests and for someone who will make America white again. Sorry, did I say white? Why did I think that was the slogan?