It's the Schrodinger's cat of pie videos

Kids also swear more, but unlike
Rooney, that never bothered me.

Honestly, thought I'd be older before the world became a confusing, baffling nightmare, but in fairness, I am in my forties. On the bright side, it's not like I'm all Andy Rooney about it, complaining about how things used to cost less and that customer service is dead. Of course, they did cost less, and customer service is dead, don't misunderstand. We're just used to it. I've seen a precipitous decline in the quality of life in America just in my lifetime. It's just that that thing with the Enron CEO and the pie lady happened yesterday, and I'm just...I can't even.

Hooray. We, the powerless and downtrodden millions have found a way to protest the system that sets corporate America above the law, above morality, and above consequences without resorting to murder. The answer is, as I suppose it was always meant to be, pie. 

Yeah, but hold your applause, I'm about to ruin it for you.

I don't mean to victim blame here, but
it kind of feels like they should have seen
the French Revolution coming.

And sure, there are those who will bemoan the fact that assault with pie is still assault, and it is. But as so many have pointed out, people can only be pushed so far. People have to set up GoFundMe's every time they need a kidney or get a cancer diagnosis. Yeah, Luigi Mangione is being charged with murder, of course he is. And I mean, assuming that's him in the video (and we're all pretty sure it is, right?), he's super guilty. The fact that we're not all as horrified as we should be--and a lot of people are actually cheering him on--speaks to the frustration and powerlessness we all feel. 

Pictured: America's 1%, seen here 
blissfully unaware that this is not
a sustainable situation.

There's a finite amount of money and resources in the world. Probably enough to go around, but with each passing day those resources are increasingly sucked up by a wealthy few. Like, we should have universal healthcare like every other wealthy nation on the planet, but we don't because money is speech and health insurance companies basically own lawmakers. We should be able to afford housing, but speculators and developers have made it impossible for most of us. We live in a democracy and should be able to do something about it, but, well, you saw what happened last month.

And afterwards, Gates gave away all
his money and has become a tireless
crusader for social justice...right?

But then comes this hero and her pie. Was it assault? Maybe. Insanely, pie, unlike money, is not considered protected speech. But who can blame her? She's just chucking what we're all feeling...or is she? Because it sounds like this hilarious and satisfying example of baked justice was staged. Evidently, Connor Gaydos, the CEO in question is the same Connor Gaydos who, along with Peter McIndoe wrote Birds Aren't Real, a satire about an equally satirical conspiracy theory. Also, Enron doesn't exist anymore having folded in 2007 and perhaps this was a reference to the real-life pie-ing of Bill Gates, Rupert Murdoch, and actual Enron CEO Jeff Skilling. 

Which, ok, that's actually funny, but is it real or not? Or is it actually just viral marketing for crypto currency? All I can find about that is articles passive voice-edly saying "it is speculated" that it's just a crypto ad. So maybe it's not. Or is. I don't know, because we live now in a world where nothing is real, and nothing matters, but everything is prohibitively expensive and they're about to swear in a convicted felon in a few weeks.

Pictured: adult diapers for concerts so you don't have to get up.
It's a joke, but it also sold out immediately, so it's not a joke? But it is?