An algorithm of perpetual failure

So, couple of things...

It's not just me. It can't be. Can it?

In fairness, kids are terrible artists.
I mean, look at this. That's just awful.

Someone on the DivvUp marketing team had to have known what they were doing, right? It's not impossible that an actual child drew this, but someone had to look at this and make the conscious decision to say: "Yes, that is exactly the image to use. That's what human necks look like. Perfect. No notes." Which is weird considering the general wholesomeness of the company--if anything in this end-stage capitalism hellscape we find ourselves suffering through can be called wholesome--but I mean, they provide socks to homeless people. And dick jokes to Facebook.

"More food? Where are the socks?
Just--just throw this all away..."

-Shelters, evidently?

DivvyUp is a Florida-based--wait, hear me out. Not everything from Florida is terrible. There's uh...oranges? You don't have scurvy, do you? Thanks Florida. So DivvyUp is sock manufacturer whose thing is that for every pair of socks you buy, they donate a pair to a homeless shelter. No, not like one at a time, I guess they let them build up and then do it monthly? Which, cool. According to their site, that was the thing the shelters say they need, even more than food. But, also food, right?

They also sell custom socks, so if you--for some reason--want your face or that of your pet on a pair of socks, or any number of products, it can be yours. Blankets, drink cozies, you name it. If you want your baby's face on an air freshener, they'll do that for you too. The possibilities are limitless. And baffling. 

They are curiously silent on exactly what this smells like,
but baby's aren't really famous for pleasant odors.

Ugh, we get it. You're fecund.

A similar company appeared on my social media feed a few years ago, leaving me to seriously doubt the competency of the algorithm as I have no pets and even if I did, I wouldn't want them on socks. Look, I'm not judging you if this is your thing, but the practice of putting photos of your kids or your dog on socks, hats, and t-shirts (always ill-fitting t-shirts at that) or whatever is a yum I have no problem yucking. For one thing, I find it kind of tacky. For another, like Marty McFly's siblings, these images must surely fade with each passing trip through the laundry. It just seems like an ever-present reminder of death. A crass memento mori in 100% polyester.