Today in pretentious betrayals:

Pictured: me or, or at least what I think you
think I look like. Also, how dare you?

So it might surprise you to know that I can sometimes be a little...what's the word? Pedantic? Pretentious? Pretentiously pedantic? Yeah, that one. At times I can--what? Why are you stifling a chortle...oh, I get it. Well, my next sentence isn't going to help my case, but here goes: I'm starting a community theatre company with some friends and--ok, let it out. Let me know when you're finished. I'll wait...well? Done? Ok, let's more--what do you mean one more? Fine, see you on the next paragraph.

Above: riches, seen here in their
natural habitat: a yacht. 

So like I was saying, starting a community theatre company, and that necessarily entails asking for money from rich people. Politely. I mean, it shouldn't feel like a mugging, and that means grant writing. Which is not something I know anything about, but luckily for me, one of my partners in this endeavor does. We outline what the company will do: put on plays. Why it will do this: because everybody loves going to plays (humor me). And what we need: funding. Everything was going just fine until we came to the the question of whether it's a theatre company or a theater company. See the issue?

Yup. Is it "-er" or "re." My very sensible collaborators--that is the people I'm working on this with, not like a puppet French government or anything--feel that since this is America, theater with an "er" is correct. I, being a pretentious snob, am riding for theatre: "re." No, I'm not British, but I think sometimes I kind of wish I were British. 

Pictured: me, or at least what I aspire to look like.
Note the daintily raised pinky finger.

I think we all figured out we could just
watch movies at home and sit real close.

My understanding is that the difference is not at all a U.S. vs. British spelling thing, and that both are 100% acceptable and interchangeable in the States. I personally believe that theatre with an "re" should refer to the art form and also the physical building in which plays are performed. Meanwhile theater "er" is exclusively the building regardless of whether or not it's for movies or plays. Like, you wouldn't say IMAX Theatre. Also, are IMAX theaters even still a thing?

Pictured: stampeding wildebeests
subbing in for ear poison.

Doesn't matter, the point is that I thought I was on firm pedantic ground with this one. But then this. No, it's an article, you click on--never mind. I'll sum up: it's an article my friend sent me from Backstage Magazine. While it backs me up on the idea that either is just fine, it also points out that William Shakespeare, as in the guy who wrote Hamlet, and by extension The Lion King, used theater spelled with an "er." God. Damnit. 

To be clear I'm not a conspiracy person.
He definitely existed. I'm just leaving
the door open for the idea that we
might all be living in a simulation.

I am betrayed, by a dead guy who almost certainly existed. The company's name, which is a secret, so don't even ask me to--oh, you weren't? Ok. Anyway, we're going to name the theatre company after a line from one of Shakespeare's plays. It sounds cool and sums up what we're doing, but also people will ask what it's from and then we get to explain it. See? Pedantry. So there's a strong case for the Shakespearian spelling, and we'll use it for grant purposes. I mean, it is admittedly less pretentiously off-putting, and I'll still push for the "re" down the road when we're printing programs or whatever.

But what I'm arguing is that Shakespeare couldn't spell his own name. At least not consistently. Sometimes he wrote it "Shaksper," sometimes it was "Shakspe," and once it was "Shakp." It's like he couldn't be bothered, so why then should I care how he spelled theatre? I mean, he also spelled porcupine as porpentine. Which is objectively ridiculous, so for me it's not super important that we defer to him on this point.

Also he's dead and doesn't get a vote.