All aboard the goon train!

Dear Facebook, are you even for real with this? What this? This this. I mean, look at this:

Pictured: Facebook being for real with this, evidently.

You're probably most familiar with
 their products as the things you threw
away when a your great aunt died.

From the good people at the Hamilton Collection-a division of the Bradford Exchange-which I assume is a thing, comes the Donald Trump Express Train Collection®. Here, the website describes it more eloquently than I ever could:

"Heirloom-quality HO-scale electric train collection features the 45th President of the United States. Free track, power pack, a $100 value. Lights up!"

-The Hamilton Collection's

clearly under appreciated

marketing department

Highly trained Bradford Exchange
scientists use internet technology to
gauge and monitor your satisfaction.

You don't just order The Donald Trump Express Train Collection, you subscribe to it. And when you subscribe, you'll receive each issue (trains come in issues, I guess?) for just $79.99 each. Why Subscribe? I'm glad I pretended you asked. You subscribe so that you "never risk a price increase." How many times have you been buying Donald Trump-themed HO-scale train sets only to see them jack up the price after you're hooked? That's not going to happen this time because there's no risk and satisfaction is 100% guaranteed. 

By clearly I mean of course the blurry
yellow box in the lower right.

Now, if you're worried that owning an heirloom-quality, HO-scale toy train with Donald Trump and his jingoistic slogans all over it might somehow mark you out as a hyper-nationalist, racist, misogynistic goon, don't worry: the website site clearly states: "The presentation of this collectible for sale does not indicate an endorsement of any political candidate or opinion but The Hamilton Collection or its affiliates." See? No one could possibly interpret your owning one as anything other than an insatiable drive to buy high-quality collectibles that will definitely increase in value. 

You heard me, increase in value. Of course, you can cancel your subscription at any time but then, why would you want to go through life with an incomplete Donald Trump Express Train Collection? I mean, each train car-sorry, issue-is a one hundred dollar value, but you're getting it them for just $79.99 each. You're basically getting twenty dollars worth of Donald Trump train for free. That's just a smart business move. You know who else makes smart business moves? That's right. Operators are standing by.

Unless you just want to see America fail.