Today in delicate sensibilities:

Yeah, but he's right, like, Mark Amodei really does need to get off his fucking ass and do something. But you're probably wondering 'who's right about who getting off his fucking ass and doing something about what?' I'll explain: Noah Christensen is right, Congressman Mark Amodei's is the ass in question, and doing something, please God anything about gun violence in America is the request.

Above: Mark Amodei's response, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

These kids can't be old enough
to vote soon enough.

Let me clarify: last week during the walkouts that were happening all across the country in response to the lack of action on the part of everyone in Congress in regards to gun violence in the wake of the most recent school shooting-wait sorry, not the most recent, we had one yesterday, so the second to most recent school shooting-wait sorry, wrong again, there's been like 11 incidents since Parkland involving guns being fired in schools. Eleven. Holy shit America-where was I going with this? Oh, right, during the walkouts...

Pictured: The U.S. Congress, seen here
not doing jack shit about how ridiculously
easy it is to get one's hands on assault rifles.

...Noah Christensen, a student at Robert McQueen Highschool in Reno Nevada, called his congressperson, Mark Amodei. Amodei was busy congressing I suppose, but a staffer answered so Christensen talked to him saying:

"I believe bump stocks should be banned, the minimum age should be raised, and Congress people not already asking should get off their fucking asses and do something about gun control."

-Noah Christensen, not being wrong

Ok, democracy accomplished, right? Well, not so fast. Later that day, he was called into the principal's office and handed a big, fat suspension. Yup, that staffer that took his call? He called the school to complain and got him suspended.

Suspended for vulgar language? That's a thing?
How are all teens not suspended all the time?

Sorry to keep harping on this point, but
seriously, this is the effective range of
the arms the 2nd Amendment refers to.

Mark Amide's staff narced on an eleventh grader for using 'vulgar language.' Wait, narced? Do kids still say narc? I don't know, it's just that tattled seems a little too toddler-y...but whatever. The point is that this high school kid who, by virtue of going to public school in America-with our batshit interpretation of the Second Amendment-is daily put at actual risk of getting murdered with military-grade assault weapons bought off a folding table at a gun show, was suspended for offending the delicate sensibilities of some congressional staffer. 

Boo. Booooooo, right? Specifically Christensen was suspended for using the phrase 'fucking asses.' Which he admits was probably a bad move telling reporters: "I understand that's not maybe the wording I should have used."

True, he should have said that Representative Amodei and the rest of
Congress, ok, mostly Republicans, should stop rimming the gun lobby long
enough to take real action on assault rifles because kids are literally dying. 

Mark Amodei for Congress: The
Candidate who won't demand capital
punishment for teens who swear!

But whatever, he was telling his congressperson how he feels because this is America and we have a First Amendment as well as a second. Needless to say the ACLU is all over this shit. Like, all over it, demanding an apology from Amodei, which he refused saying: "We had a lot of students call in, none used the kind of vocabulary he did. We didn't say we want him sent to jail or tarred and feathered." So that was pretty magnanimous of him. Not demanding legal action or mob justice for an eleventh grader who said 'fuck.' 

The good news is that the ACLU isn't going to let this stand. They're accusing the Congressman's office of retaliating against Christensen and trying to curtail his exercise of free speech, and they're like a dog with a bone, so this isn't over. They're also trying to get his record wiped clean since the suspension might harm his chances of getting into college, but if I were Noah Christensen I'd be putting this in my application. Instant acceptance letter. 

"Extracurricular activities? Telling my tool of a Representative
to get off his worthless, NRA-loving ass and fucking do his job."

-Noah Christensen, writing

his own ticket in life