Thursday, February 6, 2014

Sochi: A Matryoshka of Suck

Planning on attending the Sochi Olympics?
Then you're basically a puppy murderer.
As I may have mentioned before, I don't actually care about Olympics, winter or otherwise, but everything, everything about the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia so far has been horrible inside something gross and then itself nested inside something even worse. Construction has ruined people's lives in nearby towns, we're fighting with Russian customs over greek yogurt and oh yeah, the City of Sochi is now murdering puppies. Let me repeat: they're rounding up strays and poisoning them because they don't want underfed and mangy dogs bumming out the tourists.

Oh, and did I mention the institutionalized, foaming-at-the-mouth homophobia hanging over the games like a cloud of sadness and intolerance? No? I didn't? Well hating gays is all the rage in Russia. The mayor of Sochi has even declared that there are no gay people in his fair city which is both patently untrue and a tremendously dick thing to say.
"Welcome to Sochi, we promise we won't arrest you for
your deviant behavior, you godless sodomites."

-From the Sochi, Russia tourism board
Oh, and check out this statement from Russian deputy prime minister Dmitry Kozak wherein he equates gay people with child molesters. Of course, it's translated from the original Russian so all the 'R's have been turned around and the 'V's are now 'W,'s but don't worry, all the horseshit still comes across:

Kozak (left) signing the 2013
Baby Penguin Eradication Act
"We are all grownups, and any adult has his or her right to understand their sexual activity. Please do not touch kids. That's the only thing. During the opening ceremony, during the closing ceremony, during the sports events, I hope that we will not see such problems."

-Russian Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Kozak,
presumably drunk, because you know, Russians...

They make Mike Huckabee look like
Rachel Fucking Maddow.
You hear that gays? Knock it off with all the child least until the games are over. Holy shit. I mean, holy shit. I know we're like world leaders the field of idiotic homophobia in politics, but let me reiterate: holy shit. What is wrong with him? Did he grow up near an unshielded Soviet missile silo? Between him and Vladimir Putin and those jackasses in St. Petersburg, how can one country, and again I say this as an American fully aware of Congress, elect so many unrepentantly ignorant asshats in elected office?

These are a people who stood up to Napoleon and Hitler, who were the first to launch a human being into space, and who invented goddamn Tetris. Tetris! They deserve better than to be embarrassed before the entire world by these jerks and their irrational hatred.
"I don't understand why everyone is so upset...perhaps if
  we killed some more dogs you will come to Sochi, da?"
-Mayor Kozak

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