Sunday, January 19, 2014

Kate Middleton has a lot to answer for...

Little known fact: the hats are super-tall
to conceal a plate of biscuits and a full tea
 service. You know, because British people.
Brace yourselves everybody, some British guy just threw his ridiculously tall and furry hat into the ring. Which ring? Why the let's blame gay people for natural disasters ring, of course. Oh yes, just when you though America was the unchallenged leader of the pack when it came to foaming-at-the-mouth, pseudo-religious homophobic politicians, along comes United Kingdom Independence Party (or UKIP if you're sassy) councillor David Silvester with some Pat Robertson-level crazy about the recent floods that have been plaguing Britain:

Maybe I missed that part...the part where
the Bible is abundantly clear about anything.

"The scriptures make it abundantly clear that a Christian nation that abandons its faith and acts contrary to the Gospel (and in naked breach of the coronation oath) will be beset by natural disasters such as storms, disease, pestilence and war."

-Councillor David Silvester,
going off the rails on a crazy train

Wait, what floods? Yeah, there's been a series of terrible floods in the UK over the last few years, but since they didn't involve Americans or Kate Middleton's breasts, our media didn't really pay attention.
For the record, Kate Middleton's breast are, scientifically speaking,
just as likely to be the cause of natural disasters as gay marriage.
"I knew we shouldn't have gone
to Allen and Kyle's Wedding!
Anyway, according to Silvester, these floods are a direct result of Prime Minister David Cameron's support of same-sex marriage. He went on:

"It is his [Cameron's] fault that huge swaths of the nation have been afflicted by storms and floods...He arrogantly acted against the Gospel that made Britain great and the lesson surely to be learned is that no man or men, however powerful, can mess with Almighty God with Impunity and get away with it..." 

Huh. You know, I would have chalked the flooding up to things like the jet stream, la Niña and other science things and not, say a wrathful god, but hey live and learn right? And in a weird way, it's sort of reassuring to know that we're not the only country dealing with theological cherry-pickers who insist that gay people make Jesus so angry that he lashes out indiscriminately, snuffing out innocent lives with earthquakes, storms and meteors. 
Of course, we all know that floods are caused by what
British scientists refer to as 'wibbley wobbly weathery shmethery stuff.'

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