Cincinnatus, but with aviators

Well, fingers crossed. So after the debate, the assassination attempt, and the weirdly fawning coverage of MAGA-CON 2024, the Democratic Party finally has everyone's attention.

Pictured: the President announcing his decision on X of all places.

"As a matter of fact, I do."

-the winner of the 

most votes in 2020

If you haven't heard, and of course you have, you don't live in a cave--wait, you don't live in a cave, do you? I'm not cave shaming, I swear. Anyway, President Biden is stepping out of the presidential race and has endorsed the Vice President, Kamala Harris, and I'm ambivalent. I mean, I hope Harris wins the nomination and everything, I'm just getting that feeling all progressives gets when they're waiting for something to come out of nowhere and punch us in the face. You know what I mean. 

Above: Former President Trump
speaking at the RNC last week. 

Anyway, I hope you'll join me in crossing my fingers for the next month that everyone just gets behind Harris. Or somebody else. But I mean, just get behind Harris. You know? We need to not look like buffoons right now. The thing the right seems to be really good at is that ability to put aside their differences and get behind a single person. Sure, that person is a literal criminal and the biggest threat to democracy since the Emperor from Star Wars, but still, someone. 

Wow, remember when he was just a celebrity
cameo and not the guy who's openly running
for dictator? The 90's, amiright?

I'm not mad Biden's stepping aside, but still though. It doesn't feel great. I mean, it sucks but the entire conversation after the debate was about how poorly he did and not about how the gameshow host just burbled out patently untrue nonsense the whole time. It didn't help that after that, that kid took a shot at the former star of Home Alone 2, the media kept running the fist raised photo, instead of the one that makes him look like a confused seventy-eight year old man who'd just taken a teleprompter to the ear.

It's not fair, but I suppose politics aren't really about what's fair. And the election isn't about one guy. And now instead of being the guy who kept pressing on in the face of everyone telling him it was time to hand it off, he's the guy that listened and did right thing. At least, we hope it's the right thing. It is, right?

Ok everybody, let's not screw this up.