Florida can't sink fast enough...

You know, on second thought, I
think I owe COBRA an apology.

I think at this point we can all agree that the Republican Party, like as a thing, is basically the bad guys. Supervillains. They're like COBRA. Their entire platform is based on vitriol and violence and victimhood. When college kids register to vote, Republicans want to raise the voting age. When there's a mass shooting--which is daily at this point--these people put on AR-15 pins. And they have never met an anti-trans bill they didn't gleefully sign in a staged photo op, usually surrounded by bored-looking prop children. See? Bad guys. 

Above: Florida

So it comes as no surprise then that Florida, the Republican Terror Drome to keep the analogy going--again, sorry COBRA--is about to pass a bill requiring the Florida Transportation Department to look into using something called phosphogypsum in road pavement. Ok, who cares, right? People with cellular structures should care, because phosphogypsum causes cancer. Well, ok, if you want to get technical about it, and I know you do, phosphogypsum contains uranium which produces radium-226 which in turn radon, which, you know, cancer. 

Your answer must be in the form of a cynical
observation about corruption in politics.

According to The Center for Biological Diversity, a non-profit environmental advocacy organization, phosphogypsum will put the public--particularly road construction workers, who would be around the stuff like, all the time--at serious risk of developing cancer. So why in the world would Republicans want to use it? It's not like it will only harm trans people, MAGA goons in those ridiculous, oversized pickup trucks will also be breathing this stuff in too. So why? Go on, guess. Guess why the GOP is interested in paving the roads with radioactive asphalt. 

Moving out of Florida is probably
sound advice in any event.

If you said money, you win. Unless you live in Florida, in which case move out of Florida before they start paving the highways with cancer. Phosphogypsum is a radioactive waste product left over the manufacture of fertilizer which Florida produces in abundance. And if there's one thing Republicans love to do it's mortgage the future for short term financial gain, specifically financial gain for private business.  Which, I mean, if you can think of a more perfect example of end-stage capitalism, I'd love to hear it.   

Now, it's possible that in the end, Governor Ron DeSantis might recognize the recklessness of using radioactive waste in asphalt just to give a handout to the fertilizer and veto the--huh? Why are you laughing? Oh, right. DeSantis. 

Pictured: a stock photo of Governor Ron DeSantis
pointing and laughing. Probably at road workers with cancer.