Today in the pearls I clutch:

It took the zombies eight seasons
to get to the wall? G.R.R. Martin could
have written a whole book by then.
He didn't But he could have...

I do not care for Game of Thrones. That's not to say that I didn't watch it in its entirety, but I did so whilst actively disliking the characters, story, and pacing. Yeah, I'm not sure why I stuck with it either, nor do I fully understand why I watched the prequel show the other night. It, like the over-long, over-grim nonsense that preceded--succeeded? Prequels, amiright?--was full of unlikeable characters, gratuitous violence, and appalling wigs. And the part where--oh, wait, I'm going to spoil somethings now, so bail out if you care--still with me? Super.

Because holy shit, I looked away during Matt Smith's medieval cops crackdown scene where goon start hacking off offending limbs and nearly turned it off during the childbirth scene. Sorry to get all pearl-clutchy here but I mean, holy shit.

Defund the Gold Cloaks!

Don't even Arya me. She baked someone's
kids into a pie. They were dicks and deserved
it, but still, a pie. And she made him eat it.
That's some Titus Andronicus shit right there.

It's not the violence that bothers me, well, ok, it is the violence, but it's the cruelty maybe that bothers me more? Particularly because I presume someone here is supposed to be a protagonist. And it's just hard to root for someone who just summarily executed a bunch of suspects without trial or someone who made decisions about his wife's health and safety without consulting her, and then let her die without answering her incredibly reasonable questions about what was going on. And yet I kept watching it, so I guess this is all on me. Like, HBO tells us right off the bat that the show is rated TV-MA. 

Almost makes me miss Joe Lieberman
loosing his shit over Night Trap. Almost.

Which is weird because I also watched the second season of Only Murders in the Building, which was also rated TV-MA. And what the actual? How are these both on the same level? Look, I'm not disputing the utility of a ratings system. People can decide how much mutilation is too much mutilation for them and that's great. Whatever. But I think I have a problem with our stupendously screwed up priorities. Violence, Nudity, Sex, drug and tobacco use, and language seem to be the only criteria we're worried about, but shouldn't there be some, I don't know consistency?

The locker room at 24-Hour Fitness is
rated TV-MA for gratuitous wing-wangary.

First of all, I think it's preposterous that nudity results in a more or less guaranteed MA rating. People have hootenannys and wing wangs and if that sets you off, fine, but surely violence is more of an aberration in our culture (kinda), and if nudity was the only thing in House of the Dragon, I wouldn't be harping on this right now. Same same with the swears. I honestly don't know how one goes through live in twenty-first century America without uttering five or six "fucks" an hour and one certainly can't avoid words in public. If I'm not greeted with "Welcome to fucking Starbucks" when getting coffee, I don't even tip.*

But the repeated, relentless murder in House of the Dragon was just, I don't know, unsettling. And that's fine, I'm not saying don't make your dumb War of the Roses with Ice Zombies shows, I'm just saying that it's way, way worse than Martin Short saying fuck.  

Only in America is a septuagenarian swearing held on the same
level as Doctor Who castrating criminals on television.

*I'm kidding, I always tip. I'm not a monster.