Today in Alternate Alternate realities:

All your favorite TNG characters
are back! Except way older, oh, and
they swear a lot more. Like, a lot.

To be clear: it's not an alternate reality, it's a time-travel induced alternate timeline. Yeah, what am I even on about? Star Trek. Yes, again. Don't look at me like that. it's been months since you've had to listen to me drone on about warp drives this or phasers that, and frankly I think I'm due. Anyway, are you watching Picard? Because if you're not, maybe skip this post, because I'm going to get spoiler-y and besides, you're not going to know what I'm talking about. Or maybe you are a fan and don't care about spoilers? That's fine. I'm not here to tell you how to live. Still with me? Super.

So we're two episodes into season two now, and the characters have found themselves transported into a fascist dystopia--which, I mean, I think we all know how that feels.

Pictured: that time a man who lost the popular vote by millions
of votes was sworn in before a crowd of dozens.

Interests like going outdoors, standing on
hilltops, and waving your arms in the air. 

Get me, so topical! Anyway, in the fictional darkest timeline, the benevolent Federation is replaced by the Confederation. Picard discovers that he's a genocidal military lunatic who murders and enslaves aliens, Seven of Nine wakes up to find that she's the Confederation President, Elnor is getting beaten up by security goons led by Raffi, and Rios is flying around shooting Vulcans. Now, you're probably thinking to yourself, ok, Mirror Universe, right? Huh? You're not? Sorry, I forgot you have other interests. 

Although Captain Killy, the only good thing
to come out of Discovery's interminable
Mirror Universe arc, gets a pass.

The Mirror Universe was introduced on the original Star Trek series, and it's a parallel dimension where there's no Federation, but instead there's a Terran Empire and the humans go around conquering and enslaving the other aliens. The Mirror Universe returned on Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Enterprise, and for like eight episodes of Discovery. Eight. Which, you know, when a show is only like thirteen episodes per season, that's a lot. But whatever, I guess some people just can't get enough of it, so why not bring it back for Picard?

Q did it so, it's different? I guess?

Except they didn't. Because the fascist, human-centric, anti-Federation reality of Star Trek: Picard isn't the Mirror Universe, it's some other fascist, human-centric, anti-Federation reality. The show actually stops to allow the characters to explain to--or really at--us, the audience, that rather that being in a parallel universe, they are instead in the regular universe (the Prime Universe, if you're nerdy), but that it's been altered by some change in the past. And, I guess my question is why? This isn't a complaint, mind you, just a question. 

So the lesson here is never give up fascism,
because the minute you do, the people you once
oppressed will take over. Cool message...

Now, if you're an obsessed fan like me, you'd probably point out that by the Picard era, that is, the late 24th, and early 25th century, the Mirror Universe's Terran Empire has long since fallen. On the original show, Kirk Prime talked Mirror Spock into taking over the Empire and spreading peace and tolerance. Which he did, and it worked, except then all the aliens they'd been conquering and enslaving took advantage of the humans' perceived weakness, and conquered them, making humans the scrappy underdogs. So I guess they figured the classic Mirror Universe just wasn't going to cut it?

But whatever, this is Star Trek, and it seems like they could hand wave that away fairly easily with some nonsense about an alternate, alternate reality or time travel or something. Again, this is not a criticism. I like the episode, and am interested to see where it goes. But still, did they really need two--nearly identical--fascist realities on Star Trek? 

I guess we'll never get to see a live-action version of Picard: 
hero of the human resistance. Which is a shame. I mean, look at those
arms! Do the kids still say jacked? Because Mirror Picard is jacked.