America: it's contagious!

I am given to understand that in the before time, if you got sick, you could go see a doctor and they would prescribe something or remove something and then you'd go on with your life unburdened by crushing debt.

"I prescribe red meat and a rigorous smoking regimen."

-Old timey doctor-which, fine, but

my point about the debt still stands

"The bad news is you're terminal, but the
good news is that Pfizer's up $3 a share."

-Our healthcare system

But now things are different and we're not so much people going to see doctors as we are consumers purchasing Kaiser Brand Healthcare or Blue Shield or whatever but it's ok because our pay through the nose until you can pay no more system is totally the greatest in the world and fuels innovation. Or something. And we should pity people in Japan and Canada who are subjected to a healthcare system that's not designed to pay shareholder dividends. I know, slow down there Bernie, but wait, I'm going somewhere with this.

What I'm saying is that America's healthcare system isn't broken. Broken implies that it's not working the way it's supposed to but none of this nonsense is by accident. And that's all well and good-well, no, it's terrible and exploitative and greed driven, but at least it wasn't hurting anyone other than ourselves, that is until now.

Yup, our shitty healthcare system is contagious.

Pictured: a typical shareholder.
Not pictured: shame.

The U.K. has something called the NHS. Republicans would describe it as a socialist plot invented by the Clintons and the gay agenda, but it's just their universal healthcare system. It's been in place since the 1940's and has served as a model for healthcare systems around the world. But unbeknownst to British people, Trump has been negotiating with British Prime Minister Boris Johnson to gain access to the NHS which would be great for American drug company shareholders, but terrible for, you know, British people. 

Weird theory, I know, but I
think history will bear it out.

Despite Johnson's insistence that giving American healthcare pharmaceutical companies access to the British healthcare system was never part of these trade negotiations, it turns out that giving American healthcare pharmaceutical companies access to the British healthcare system was 100% part of these negotiations. At least according to Johnson opponent and Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn and his reams of just released documents. Twist! It's a revelation that confirms a pet theory of mine that blonde men in power are the worst and will be the ruin of civilization.

It's bad enough that we don't regard healthcare as a basic responsibility of government like almost every other country on the face of the earth, but negotiating on behalf of the corporations that are gouging us to get them into other countries is indefensible. It's the international trade equivalent of deliberately spreading gonorrhea.

"Look, Boris, you knew what you were getting yourself into. It's not my
fault. All I'm saying is that you should probably get tested. Not my fault."

-Donald Trump, making a call

he's almost certainly made before