Today in mostly justifiable outrage:

Dancetronauts have been
ruining it for years.

Ok, I'm back now. Last week was my annual trip to Burning Man and...ok, get it out of your system now. Yes, I go do that. Don't judge. Anyway, every year there's always something that's totally going to ruin Burning Man this year you guys. It's been rain, it's been bugs, one time it was rich people. And every year the thing we were all afraid would happen doesn't. Something else usually does though. If it's not rain, it's high winds, if it's not bugs it's extreme heat.

If it's not rich people it's...well, actually that one does happen. You can spot them pretty easily, they show up towards the end of the week, inexplicably spotless for people in a dust blown dry lake bed, and wearing feathered head dresses.

Above: Chief Appropriates Culture of the Coachella
people and her far-too-clean companion...let's say Krysten.

"Drugs? Here at Burning Man?"

-Some guy

This year it was the threat of harassment by Federal law enforcement. The event sent out emails warning attendees that the Bureau of Indian Affairs was conducting enhanced and possibly unconstitutional searches of vehicles in an effort to crack down on drugs. The story we heard is that while driving through the small towns on the way to Black Rock City, burner vehicles-easily identifiable by their impossibly tight pack jobs and fur-covered bicycles precariously balanced atop roof racks, are getting pulled over on flimsy pretexts and then searched.

First, officers would pull you over for something. Maybe you're driving too fast, maybe too slow, maybe your wheels touched the white line briefly. Doesn't matter. They'll then ask if it's ok to search your vehicles and if you say no, out come the drug sniffing dogs who either bark because you've got something you shouldn't have, or they don't and the officers pretend they did and search your car anyway.

"The police are pulling people over just because they happen to be going to
Burning Man? That's profiling! How dare they, this is supposed to be America!"

-70,000 white people heading to 

a festival famous for drug use

It's all part of America's tradition
of guilty until proven innocent.

The BIA insists that is has nothing to do with Burning Man and everything to do with drugs, which, of course it has to do with Burning Man. According to a spokesperson for the Bureau of Indian Affairs:

"If they are driving though and they're not breaking the law, then they should have no problem."

-Nedra Darling, of the Bureau of Indian

Affairs, kind of missing the point

If any of this delayed the construction
of the Roller Disco, then so help me...

And that's cool, except that the reports from Burners suggest that the stops are arbitrary and so you could absolutely have been not breaking the law and still have a problem. That problem being your carefully packed supplies are now strewn across the side of the highway. And yeah, I know that we're not exactly building habitats for humanity out in the desert or curing something but c'mon. The delays were slowing down the set up both for infrastructure and theme camps and that's not cool.

For their part, the non-profit that puts on Burning Man is sending in its lawyers, threatening to sue the BIA, the Bureau of Land Management and any other agency involved in hope of avoiding this situation in the future, but for this year the damage is done.

Pictured: Burning Man's lawyers.

You can distinguish police lights
from other lights at Burning Man
by the absence of dubstep.

Personally I was totally stressing out about this most of the drive last week. I'm not like, a drug person, nor was I going to be muling any in for others, but still. The idea that I might get stopped and searched without cause felt pretty gross and so I worried all the way up until I reached the entrance to the black rock desert, where, according to the warning, I was totally, definitely safe from the threat of harassment by law enforcement out to score an easy bust. And that's when I got pulled over. Because of course I got pulled over. 

Who's a good narc? Yes you are!

It turned out my tail lights on the rented box truck I was driving didn't work and that was probably legitimate. But when the sherif walked away to run my license a Bureau of Land Management Officer glommed on to the stop to ask me if he could search the truck and that felt somewhat less legitimate. I said no, and so yes, out came the drug sniffing dog. He didn't detect anything, and we were sent on our merry, but is a busted tail light really grounds to sick the dogs on someone?

Specifically this asshole.

As we were breaking down our camp to leave, a couple of BLM officers came over to say hello. They were making the rounds and greeting attendees, probably in a hasty attempt at damage control but they seemed friendly enough. And that was cool, but it kind of seems like they maybe could have avoid the negative public reaction by not being so...what's the phrase? Jack-booted thuggish? But I guess that was a decision from the higher ups and not these guys. 

Yeah, there were drugs at Burning Man this year. Lots of drugs. So we do have to temper our outrage a bit. But was busting a few burners with molly or whatever worth the lawsuits? Not to mention reinforcing the already pretty dim view a lot of people who go to this thing already have of cops? Anyway, check out this video I took of some hooper dancing with a washing machine. I showed it to the BLM officers too. They thought it was pretty great.