Today in respect through the threat of fines:

I only enjoy cultured, intellectual activities,
like playing video games and then blogging
 about how I think sports are lame.

As you may recall me mentioning, frequently and without provocation to anyone who will listen, I'm not in to sports. Like, at all. It's a big cultural blind spot for me, but I'm comfortable with it. That said, I have feelings about this. Yes, it's a link, and no, you don't have to click because I'm about to sum it up. That's how this works. You don't click, I pretend to grudgingly explain. It's a thing we do. Anyway, the NFL-which I understand to be some kind of football authority, has released a statement about a new policy it has adopted regarding players who kneel during the national anthem.

Huh? Yeah despite being actively disinterested in, and needless condescending about (see above), watching other people play a game, I have been following the shitstorm surrounding the question of whether or not it's appropriate to kneel during the national anthem to call attention to racial injustice.

Above: The three rich white guys the NFL decided were
the best choices to send out to talk about the new policy.

"My God, how could we have been
so stupid? Thank you Captain Kirk,
you've ended racism forever."

You probably remember back in 2016 when former San Francisco 49'ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick first decided to protest racial injustice by sitting and later kneeling during the national anthem. His protest attracted media attention and inspired other players to do likewise and the country was very quickly dived into two camps: people who supported Kaepernick's move and white people who feel threatened by the idea that maybe racism wasn't solved in 1969 when Star Trek did that episode about those aliens who were half black and half white. Yes, of course I found a way to bring Star Trek into this.

Sorry, tangent. So back to the NFL's statement :

"Well, sometimes money isn't the most
 important...sorry, I almost...it's just..."

-NFL Commissioner Roger Goodall

almost saying it with a straight face

"The efforts by many of our players sparked awareness and action around issues of social justice that must be addressed. The platform that we have created together is certainly unique in professional sports and quite likely in American business. We are honored to worth with our players to drive progress."

Cool, so the NFL is onboard with social justice. That's really surprising given how much money is on the line for what is, after all a business interest. Good for them for-oh wait, there's more:

Here's a tip, if you're on the side of
an issue that opts for clipart, then it's
probably a good time to reevaluate.

"It was unfortunate that on-field protests created a false perception among many that thousands of NFL players were unpatriotic. This was not and was never the case." 

Well, yeah, it was unfortunate, but the jackasses behind the #boycotttheNFL movement created the impression that the players were being unpatriotic. No reasonable person would suggest that protest is somehow un-American. I'm glad the NFL sees through all negative coverage and hashtags and recognizes that-

"This season, all league and team personnel shall stand and show respect for the flag and the Anthem."

Pictured: The President humping
the flag, but don't worry, it's not
disrespectful. He's white. And rich.

-um...the players who protested weren't showing disrespect, they were using their positions to draw attention to a grave issue facing our country at the risk of their livelihood. I can't think of anything more patriotic. And didn't they just say, like earlier in this statement that they 'are honored to work with our players to drive progress'? Because this sounds like the opposite of that.

"Personnel who choose not to stand for the Anthem may stay in the locker room until after the Anthem has been performed..."

Can I fine the NFL for not
respecting William Strunk?

The rest of the statement is headed by the title 'The membership also strongly believes...' but it's more of a list of rules outlining the new policy. Of the six items on the list, four of them end with the phrase 'show respect for the flag and the Anthem.' Which, first of all, you don't capitalize 'anthem.' I'm not being unpatriotic or anything, I'm just being pedantic about capitalization rules. And secondly, is it me or is it like super screwed up and, I don't know, fascist-y that they're backing up their demand for respect for the national anthem with threats of fines and punishment? Look, I'm not a lawyer or anything, but the NFL is, when you get down to it, a business. I'm not sure they're allowed to dictate how people wait out the hazily remembered lyrics to the national anthem. And again, not being unpatriotic here, just realistic. Oh, like you know all the words...

But I guess we can all take solace in the fact that players are still free to protest, just as long as it's in the locker room and nobody has to see it.

"Isn't this great hon? Football is so much more fun now that the NFL has
banned kneeling during the anthem. It's like our nation isn't even haunted by
racism, social injustice and violence! Yup, football's the best...more chips?"