Like a warm tauntaun corpse of familiarity.

To be clear, I'm not mad about more Star Wars. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older and am just too damn tired to rant and rail about how new Star Wars isn't as good as old Star Wars, or if my tolerance has been steadily lowered ever since that needlessly long establishing shot of Mos Eisley crammed a bunch of CGI nonsense into the Special Edition version of A New Hope. 

Pictured: CGI nonense.

Especially the singing lesbian space witches.

My point is, if they make it, I'll probably watch it. I have watched it. The Mandalorian, Andor, that Obi-Wan show, uh, Obi-Wan, I guess. And most of it was pretty enjoyable, if not terribly memorable. I even watched The Acolyte. I even liked The Acolyte. Huh? Yes, even the bit with the singing lesbian space witches. And I am kinda disappointed that there's not going to be another season of it. So when Tony Gilroy, the show runner for Andor, says to Business Insider that a Star Wars horror streaming series was in the offing, my reaction is: sure, why not? 

Entries in the series have ranged from kids stuff like Rebels and those made-for-TV Ewok movies to the gritty Rogue One and--speaking of, have you seen that one lately? It's dark. Like, heavy stuff.

Think of the ending of Rogue One, and then remind yourself that
it's set in the same fictional universe as The Phantom Menace.
You know, the one where Jar Jar steps in alien poop.

"Bleh! I vant to create value for shareholders!"

-Bob Iger, in a notably odd investor's call

Anyway, I don't read Business Insider, I just read about the article. And technically, Gilroy didn't say it was a streaming series, but since there's been like sixty streaming series every since Disney started slurping every last bit of profitability out of Lucasfilm like like some kind of starved money vampire, I think it's a safe bet, if a bleak one. Not the existence of such a project, but that we're hearing about it in Business Insider. Like, it's just another reminder of the fact that these things we enjoy are, in reality, driven entirely by money, and not, you know, art. 

Which, yeah, I know it's naive to think it's ever been otherwise. I mean, as far back as the original films, George Lucas was cashing in on lunchboxes, action figures, and Darth Vader Bubble Bath, so it's not as though it's ever been l'art pour 'l'art. 

What's weirder, that this exists, or that someone
kept the original packaging for four decades?

Above: Disney.

It's, you know, icky. You know, to know how easily manipulated we are. I'm not a horror fan, but all they need to do is slap Star Wars on it, throw in some whoosh Tie Fighter noises and feathered seventies hairstyles, and I'm in. Ashamed, but in. Of course, rolling out zombie Storm Troopers or whatever, makes sense for Disney who, again, are motived by profit. People like Star Wars, and people like horror, so, the math checks out. But why am I there? Familiarity, I guess.

It's an old, tired internet rant to go down the list of upcoming movies or whatever, and bemoan how many of them are sequels, remakes, and reboots, but we have only ourselves to blame. If we didn't gravitate towards the familiar, they wouldn't keep cranking it out. And do we even care anymore or are we just content to let them iterate until we get bored and move on? Oh, no, I'm not trying to make a case here one way or the other, I'm genuinely asking. Also, I think I know the answer. It's the iteration thing, isn't it?

You know what'd make everybody happy? The non-special editions of the original trilogy.

They already exist, so it wouldn't cost Disney anything, and we wouldn't have to try anything new.