Welcome to Lassie Lunch

I ask you, what even is this? What's what, you might reasonably reply? Why this:

"Wait, what? Is Jesus about to make out with that Scottish woman?"

-everybody

To be clear, Amazon is garbage and 
I used a private window to cover my tracks.

Ok, well obviously it's The Lassie Eunuchi by Laurie Perkins, but more to the point, why is it? And furthermore, is this even real? Because I have my doubts. The subtitle "The Savior's Love Story" sums it up nicely, as this is--and I'm quoting the Amazon description here--"...a uniquely tender love story about a beautiful, yet resilient, woman who marries The Saviour, even [sic] Jesus Christ." Even Jesus Christ? What does that mean? It's...just tip of the iceberg...a weird, possibly fake iceberg. 

Typos are the least weird thing about this, although check this description out from the book's website, exactly as it appears:

You all know the renown hero Jesus, right? 
He's famous for protecting the woman He loves?

"Rightly so, the literary world is inundated with famed story lines disclosing the struggles between the forces of good and evil. In the fictional novel. "The Lassie Eunuch". the antagonist is none other than Lucifer, himself, the Master of Darkness! Lord Jesus is the renown Hero! He must do what He does best. He must protect, restore, redeem the woman He loves."

-actual quote, presumably from someone 

who stared into the abyss too long

Above: some of Jesus's wives.

That's from www.thelassieeunuch.com although the title tag reads "welcome to lassie lunch" which is bananas, but only slightly more bananas than the actual title: The Lassie Eunuch. Speaking of, who's the eunuch in this equation? What is a renown hero? And how does one use a comma anyway? There're no rules, right? You can just throw one anywhere? And I'm no theologian, but isn't Jesus famously single? Except of course when it comes to nuns who are all married to him. Or Him, I guess. Look, like I said, I'm no theologian.

Pictured: Lylyana, a person who exists and
who wrote a review that isn't at all fake.

The whole thing sounds a little, I don't know, blasphemous? Which is weird because author Laurie Perkins describes herself as religious in the "about the author" page of the site. But whatever, let's see what the reviews say, and again, these are taken directly from the website. Specifically from the "Our Satisfied Readers" section. According to Randy, who is definitely real: Lorem Ipsum dolor sit amet..." While Lylyana raves "Ut enim ad minim veniam."  

So between the Lorem Ipsum reviews, the befuddling grammatical errors, and the ludicrous premise of the book, I'm beginning to suspect we've been had. Is the book real? Is Laurie Perkins real? Is this whole thing just AI nonsense? And not even like, good AI. AI that, when assigned the admittedly difficult task of writing copy, took a Burger King ad, replaced "all-beef patty" with "books" and "grilled" with "written" and called it a day. 

Personally, I only read books that have been written to perfection.