Netflick and Mortar

Hey, did you hear? Netflix is planning to open brick and mortar venues.

Picture: everybody upon hearing this.

Blockbuster's decline was just the
first bubo on the peasant.

Yes, Netflix. The streaming service. And I have questions. Chief among them being why? If the last twenty years have shown us anything it's that people would prefer not to leave the house, thank you very much. The fact that we have to refer to physical locations as "brick and mortar" to distinguish them from metaphorical online locations is evidence of this. I'm not saying this is a good thing. This combined with the anonymity the internet offers has made us an increasingly anti-social society, and may ultimately lead to our destruction.  

If you're going to kill it, you'd
better be prepared to eat it.

Confusingly, the initiative will be called "Netflix House," which is just more mixed signaling. Do you want us to leave our homes or not, Netflix? But fine whatever, let's say these Netflix Houses start cropping up. I mean, there is certainly plenty of disused retail space. I'm sure they can simply crawl into the empty shells of some dead franchises, like Bed Bath and Beyond, or a Borders. Or better yet, something killed by streaming services like an AMC. I suppose the symmetry is appealing on some level.

Pictured: Josh Simon, seen here making
more money than either of us will ever see.

But then what? What do they...sell? According to the NPR article which quoted a paywalled Bloomberg story that, in turn, quoted a guy called Josh Simon, Netflix's vice president of consumer products who said that they "will feature a mix of retail, dining and live experiences." And I mean for one thing, how is he a vice president of consumer products for a company that's only now announced a consumer product? And for another, what do any of these things have to do with streaming Stranger Things? Are people really clamoring to go eat at Netflix?

Above: an Ancient Greek knock-off
of Netflix's new brick and mortar venture.

If it sounds like I'm being cynical and hypercritical, it's because I am. But please understand that that's not because I hate new ideas or anything. I just that I don't like it when giant corporations that try to worm their way into other businesses. Dining and live entertainment aren't new ideas, they're just things Netflix isn't currently making money off of because it's a streaming service. Which, cool. Just be that. Restaurants, theatres, and concerts have dining and live entertainment covered. 

Oh, also, wasn't a big part of their messaging during the writers' and actors' strikes about how they couldn't afford to pay their artists more? And that when this is all over they'll have to raise the prices for their streaming service? I ask because it seems kind of weird that they suddenly have money for this, doesn't it? Unless...hey, you don't suppose they were just saying that in order to...oh...

Pictured: Netflix crying poverty while at the same time
planning Squid Game dinner theatre or whatever...