Presidents* Day

They're on the money, they have cities and even a state named after them, I guess what I'm asking is do they need a whole day too? Because some of them were kind of awful.

This one committed genocide. Like, actual genocide.

"Enjoy your federal holiday, I'll just
be here. You know, working."

Presidents, I mean. I ask because tomorrow is Presidents’ Day, which is a holiday for some people. You know, people whose jobs are, shall we way, non-essential. Which is another way of saying that they make more than the rest of us who will be taking their lunch orders and customer service calls while they reflect on the U.S. Presidents. Anyway, doesn't matter. I'm not here to whine about having to work tomorrow, that was just a bonus, I'm here to call into question Presidents Day, as a holiday.

"Because the real victims of slavery are
white kids who have to learn about it."

-Ron DeSantis

Officially it's Washington's Birthday, but then they rolled Lincoln's in there was well, and now I guess it's a holiday for Presidents in general. Washington, I kind of get since he was the first President. I suppose the bar was super low, and he did defeat the British and basically start America, but he also enslaved people so I guess I don't mind that he has to share now. Oh, and in case you live in Florida, yes he did, he absolutely did. And no he was not nice to them. It's literally impossible to be kind to someone you own and make work for no money.

Pictured: the woman most of us
voted for but wasn't President somehow.

Where was I? Lincoln. Also great. Won the Civil War, freed the enslaved people, he gets a day even if it's weird that he has to share it which the be-powdered wigged proponent of forced labor. But what about the rest of them? Does President's Day celebrate all the Presidents? All of them? Really? The thing about Presidents is that unlike say, a king, is that they're supposed to be real people. Not the vessels of divine will, but just some randos whose careers in politics landed them at the top. Or maybe they just gamed the electoral college. Either way.

Above: Ninth President William Henry
Harrison, seen here wearing the coat he
should have worn on inauguration day.

I guess where I'm going with this is I think they need to do something to warrant a holiday. Like for every Lincoln and FDR, there's a Buchanan, right? In fact, there were probably several Buchanans for every FDR. Or William Henry Harrisons. Remember him? He caught pneumonia while giving his inauguration speech and died thirty days in. What did he do to deserve getting one forty-sixth of a national holiday? I don't mean to pick on they guy, I'm just saying that I'd kind of get it if he was the reason we have sick days now, but he's not. They just swore in the next one and moved on, but he still counts.

I guess my point is, shouldn't it be Some Presidents Day or maybe Good Presidents Day? Presidents* Day? I'll leave you consider that while you spend tomorrow in solemn contemplation of the achievements and contributions of some of our nation's commanders in chief. If you need me, I'll be, you know, working at my job.

Contemplation, shopping. Same difference. I guess they have good deals on stick
blenders, maybe pick one of those up? It's what Lincoln would have wanted.