Smooth, crunchy, or razor sharp?

Well, you can add steel shard peanut butter to the list of things to watch out for in this dystopia of late-stage capitalism. Yes, it's now available in smooth, crunchy, and metal shard. I'm not saying we should have seen it coming, because that specific horror isn't something we'd necessarily expect, but I can't say it surprises me. Very little at this point surprises me.

Remarkably, despite the risk of lacerations, Americans prefer
new metal shard style peanut butter to natural peanut butter,
finding the oil separation that occurs to be weird, and off-putting.

Eventually. The manufacturing facility's
internal detection systems eventually
identified the concern. Because quality.

Hormel, the company that manufactures Skippy Peanut Butter, issued a voluntary recall due to steel fragments that found their way into the jars:

"Skippy Foods, LLC, out of an abundance of caution and with an emphasis on the quality of its products, is issuing a recall to ensure that consumers are made aware of the issue. The manufacturing facility's internal detection systems identified the concern."

-Skippy Foods, being abundantly 

cautious...with their liability

I'd also like to express some opinions on
the topic of dungarees being warn too low
and the number of kids on my lawn.

Um, so couple of things. So I don't mean to be that old guy shaking a fist and complaining about how in my day there was such a thing as corporate responsibility, because there wasn't. But letting people know that the peanut putter with which they may have made their kids sandwiches this morning might contain gum-shredding chunks of stainless steel feels less like an abundance of caution and more like the bare minimum one would expect from human beings. And should that kind of recall be voluntary? I'm not a lawyer, but could they just sort of opt out of telling people?

Too far? Fine. But I don't think:
"sorry about the metal shards,
our bad" is too much to ask.

And if you read carefully you might notice that there's not even an apology. Mostly it's about how awesome they are for recalling their razorbutter. Like that? Just made it up. Anyway, why not something like: 

"In compliance with basic human compassion, Skippy LLC is recalling peanut butter that may shred customers' soft tissue. We sincerely apologize for our lax quality control that led to this situation and hope you can forgive us. In the meantime, our CEO has resigned and our board members will be pilloried in the town square so you can hurl abuse at them."

-Skippy's statement in some

alternate, less bleak timeline

Look, I know it's a little weird that I'm jumping all over a peanut butter manufacturer, but it's more of a general frustration I'm just taking out on Skippy. I get that they want us to think they care, but giant corporations aren't exactly famous for human weaknesses like emotion. There's a calculus to this. Like, somewhere, someone at Skippy LLC corporate HG applies a rubric to determine whether the number of lawsuits resulting from kids bleeding from the mouth outweighs the cost of the recall. 

Don't look so smug kid. Peanut butter is a gamble. You may
have won this time, but one of these days, bam: metal shards.