Well, I'm not calling them that.

Even when the Administration isn't doing something explicitly evil, like, kicking trans people out of the military or locking children in cages, they're just kind of dumb, you know? It's like the last four years has just been one comedy/nightmare with Yakety Sax playing in the background the whole time.

Pictured: the last four years.

"For the last time, yes, we're serious.
Does anyone have a different question?"

-Mike Pence

Take for example Mike Pence's announcement that people who work for the Space Force, the nonsense sixth branch of the military, will be called guardians. As in the same way that you're a sailor if you're in the Navy or soldier if you're in the Army. If you're in Space Force, you're a Guardian. Yeah, like the owls in The Guardians of Ga'Hoole. Someone or a group of someones sat down and picked guardians from a list of possibilities, all of which, mathematically speaking, had to be way better. 

I can say that with confidence, because in addition to being just terrible on the surface, "guardians" was chosen by the same people who both ripped off the Star Trek logo for the Space Force's official emblem and who failed to secure the trademark for the name before Netflix got to it for their streaming show.

Sure, it's got a 49% on Metacritic, but it's still
better run than the actual Space Force.

Pictured: the KFC Double Down, an
object lesson in what can happen when
you ask for the general public's opinion.

The choice of term feels like the kind of thinking that insists that people who get underpaid at Target are "team members" or that if you work for Disney you're an "imagineer." It's just kind of insulting. The name was arrived at--according to Space Force--"after a yearlong process that produced hundreds of submissions involving space professionals and members of the general public." So like, which space professionals? Who's a space professional? Elon Musk? Richard Branson? Did Lance Bass ever actually go to space? And which members of the general public? No one consulted me, you? 

Above: Space professional Elon Musk,
seen here, musing on the higher frontier.

Anyway, the statement goes on:

"The opportunity to name a force is a momentous responsibility. Guardians is a name with a long history in space operations, tracing back to the original command motto of Air Force Space Command in 1983, "Guardians of the High Frontier."

-The Space Force, trying 

to spin their terrible decision

Sure, I suppose it is a momentous responsibility to name a force. Too bad they fucked it up so badly. And look, I'd love to suggest alternatives, but I've never been entirely clear on why the Space Force even exists other than so Trump can say that he founded it. I am however sure that an administration who, on its way out the door after a stunning electoral defeat is scrambling to sell off as much Alaskan wilderness to oil companies as it can, isn't interested in being the guardians of anything.

Well that was certainly worth it.