Today in incremental improvements:

Pictured: Your cuppa.

Because I'm sure you're just dying to know what someone on the internet thinks about the new Xbox that's coming out next year, let's talk about the new Xbox that's coming out next year. Huh? Yes, I'm going to talk about a video game thing. Yes again. What's you-oh, like suddenly you're too cool for this? Look, you wouldn't be here if discussions like these weren't your cuppa, so let's not pretend. Yeah, cuppa. Like cuppa tea. You've never heard that before?

Remember? When we all slammed
the Dew? Those were good days...

Anyway, last night at the Video Game Awards-which I guess is kind of like the Oscars for the video game industry except instead of awkward jokes and musical numbers, there's a bunch of commercials and announcements for new games. One of those announcements was for the next Xbox, the X-hyphen-tremely titled the Xbox Series X. Because "X" means future. Or it did back in 1992, which is the past. But since the future's been something of a disappointment, I'm all for pretending it's the 90's again. Sorry, wait, what were we talking about again?

And can we just-I know this isn't really all that important, but we talk about the design? For years new consoles have been trending towards featureless black slabs. I suppose it's a way to make grown ass adults feel less like they're buying a toy...which they totally are. But this thing bucks the trend by opting for a featureless black monolith.

Behold: the new Xbox! It's uh, it's there, really. It's the black
rectangle against the black background. See? Yeah, there it is.

"Hey, I'm right here..."

-Gamecube

On the one hand it's kind of innovative in a shoe-box standing on end kind of way, but on the other hand it seems aggressively impractical and forgettably bland. I know that, like people, it's what's inside that counts but this thing looks as though a team of industrial designers sat down and said: we want something that's virtually invisible, yet impossible to fit under the TV. I'm not saying it needs to have a handle or come in purple or anything, but could they seriously not come up with...

I mean, just look at all that
technology...stuff. 

...sorry nodded off there. That's how boring this thing is. Oh well, I don't know about you, but uninspiring design or no, I'm not rushing out to get one on day one. While a price hasn't been announced, new consoles are always expensive because they're full of, you know, technology, but internet speculation is that the thing will be eye-wateringly expensive. Say around five hundred dollars. Yes. Of money. So if you want one, you might need to think about a second job. Or third, because the economy, amiright?

Of course things like 8K output and ray tracing aren't cheap. Yeah, those are some of the new features and no, I don't know what they do either but I do know that 8K is like twice the K of 4K and that up until now, rays have gone largely un-traced so money well spent.

Here's a comparison. The image on the right has ray tracing, the
one on the left doesn't. I think. Either way, that'll be $500 please.

Garbage yes, but garbage that
heralded a new generation.

If your old like me, you remember how mind-blowing Sega Genesis looked after playing 8-bit Nintendo. At the time it seemed impossible that anything could ever top the sheer graphical powerhouse that was Altered Beast's five stages of walk to the right, punch, repeat. And while we haven't seen any of the new Xbox's games, it just doesn't seem likely that we're in for the same kind of leap we saw going from 8 to 16-bit or 2-D to 3-D. I mean, the human eye is only capable of distinguishing so much detail, and I think we're kind of there.

If it sounds like I'm trashing this thing an entire year before it even comes out, I'm not, it's just that-well, ok, I kind of am. I'm a video game fan and all, but it's just kind of hard to get excited about the move from Xbox to slightly improved, yet staggeringly more expensive Xbox.

"I'm moderately thrilled to announce the inevitable follow
up to the Xbox One. I think you'll find it...incremental."

-Phil Spencer, CEO of Xbox